Herausforderung

= German for "Challenge"

Two challenges for this weekend:

a) bike ride to Martinborough and back on Sunday - can I do it?  YES I can.!!!
b) talk to my neighbour Marlon and ask to join his Spainish classes!

Marlon is Spainish, and takes lessons and conversation classes.  I've only recently found this out via my hairdresser who live down my street, and again today when I met my neighbour at the Frenchman and his wifes bakery this afternoon.  I love that little bakery - for the exquisite genuine food they have and becasue of Oliverei and Megan the owners.  They have a genuine "local" cafe - which is a perfect French cafe in Carterton.  eg they achieved the almost impossible thing today of having my neighbour J and I talk to each other.  Its not that  J and I don't talk to each other - its just spooky that we are very alike in many ways.  eg live alone, creative in certain areas, we do like people and our work relies on it, but we are also to appearances or some people "recluses"!  What I love about Oliverei and Megan is they are the kind of poeple that get that.  They understand and make no judgement about it.

Anyway, for the same reasons I don't talk to J I haven't talked to Marlon and his wife.  Basically, just a certain shyness.  But the thing is I would love to learn Spainish.  I love languages, even though I can only speak some German, and a little Maori.  And learning off my neighbour not only means I get to know my neighbour but also learn Spainish.

And Marlon and his wife they love the same things I do - good food, house stuff, and the garden.  So that's my challenge.  J has advised me Marlon has Monday's off form his job as a matre d in Martinborough, so I'm going to do and knock on his door on Monday.  I may visit him when I am in Martinborough tomorrow.  Although I think I would prefer to get to know him on home ground, and perhaps not in my bike shorts!

Woop - nervous and excited - becasue this stuff takes me out of my comfort zone.  But I need to remember this is good stuff to focus on. And now I have to do both a and b!

Desk file

Today I had that difficult conversation with my manager (the man who has over 50 pairs of jeans) about my work environment.  Unfortunately, I was coding some of what I was saying, and I am not sure he interpreted it 100% correctly.  He recognised I am in a situation that requires change of factors beyond my control.  However his solution was to arrange for me to move desks!  *Awkward* as a fricken like my current desk and location with a primo window seat and view of Archives, the Beehive etc.  I also like my colleagues, and in particular respect the Lead Advisor I work most closely with.  However, I'm seen as too loyal.  I make no apologies for that.  I am loyal to people and colleagues I have respect for.  Anyway, 'lesson learned' conflict resolution with a teacher/social worker manager results in the solution being to move desks!  Crazy man, now I'll be located closer to the "enemy"!!!
It for now is about perception.
The flipside of this is my new desk will be located to a very nice professional man, who is a cyclist and has ridden Lake Taupo a few times.  And hey I have found a tempoary solution to what is a diffuclt situation.

I went to RPM today.  It was supposed to be Lady T or the T lady, (heck its so long since I've seen her I've forgotten my nick for her!) - was supposed to be TJ's session.  But today it was a tandem session with the Young American.  This was a bit like getting 2 for the price of 1.  Except sometimes you really do only want the one crunchie bar if that makes sense - and not 2!  That is, I enjoy both TJ's and the Young American's classes, but sometimes I'm a it of a purist, and just like the rythym of the one instructor. 

Anyway, good session, although my right knee hurts a little, I still have the remnant of a severe cold.
and today I had the remnants of a few glass of vino from last night, oh, and a bit of ore head form the conversation about moving my desk today!  Aside from all those qualifiers, it was good to have a work out today.


Oh yeah, I couldn't really see either instructor, which wasn't 100% ideal.  Bike 19 hasn't been repaired, there are less bikes in the backrow - so sitting in seat 20 is ok for theloud music factor I like, but not for seeing the instructors, especially when there is bloke blocking the view.  Not that you know I'm big on the eye contract thing or looking at the instructor, but concede a little contact and seeing the leg pace of the instructor/s does I think help keep the workout a little more honest!

I'm aiming to ride to Martinborough on Sunday.  It will take me a long time there and back.  But I feel the need to do it.  Scary to know that it will be an Autumn ride with all the leaves turning, grape vines changing colour etc.  But I know that will be make me feel heaps better to get a long ride like that in


Here are two of my favourite tracks.  One is an old Dave Dobbyn one I really love - its really a love song, but I think the lyrics being loyal can apply to good relationships in other respects.  The other combines Pink and the Indigo Girls.  I love some of the lines in the Pink/Indigo track.  When I stop asking those lines, yeah then I'll know I haven't done the "right thing"..the questions this song asks. they are and will always be important to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkrZyGay65E


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQUMbq-jZek


Woop - long weekend ahead - I have some time in lieu due - are taking Monday and Tuesday off.  Kind of need the space to regroup on a few things.

Thursday

Today I was supposed to have lunch with the IT lady aka "anonymous".  Unfortuanately, the IT lady couldn't make it.

Disappointed, I thought ok, I'll book in for RPM with the young American.  Alas, my routine being broken, I discovered, I had shoes and bike shorts and a towel at work, but no socks or t- shirt.  Yeah t shirt is a necesssity, although in retrospect I couldn't rode with my singlet like the Masterton lady, except well, I am actually pretty self consious of my arms - even in a dark room....so, lesson of the day, remember to have spare gear at work - completo set.

Today marked the first exit of one of the new contractors at work.  She had been there a week with the new project manager.  CYL - cut your losses theory.  I don't get any joy out of this, becasue it just contributes to an environement where a number of people including myself have to be on the 'defensive'.

Not totally sure on the SIU and smile policy has a sustainable thing.  The reality is as much as I know self preservation is paramount, there will always be for me, a bottom and ethical line that money cant put a price on. 

Back

Today, I finally got back to the Terrace.  It seems both Hutt Girl and I have had the last month or so off RPM, although I suspect despite an injury her month still had more exercise than mine.

Anyway, good to be back.  Sort of a solace to be able to retreat to the RPM at lunchtime with some loud music banging in the ears (being positioned closest to the speakers - wonders of wonders it appears bike 20 is back in the house).  It was also kind of good to hear Hutt Girl's spiel - what are your goals, apsirations, castles in the air.  Its standard, and sometimes I tire of it but today it helped to hear it.

Often on the way home from the railway station I often pass a little young cat - about a year or so now old.  It has sort of orange and straggle colours.  It has a little tag that says its name its "Pumpkin".  Pumpkin is a friendly little cat.  I don't usually stop and pat other cats, but this one has always been friendly and so I do pat this cat.  I hadn't seen the cat for some time.  But the cat has appeared in the last week or so - minus one of its front legs.  It seems so sad the cat has lost a leg.  The thing is the cat is back on its territory, not being deterred by the fact that it now has three legs instead of four.  I think that is a brave wee cat.  I like Pumpkin, becasue it is a brave wee cat, but also Pumpkin shows you can't let things get in the way.  I pat Pumpkin and remind him/her, that he/she is the bravest little cat in the neighbourhood and an awesome inspiration~! - which of course is not to say that Ali is not an awesome and inspiring cat because he is!

Rules

I'm a Gemini.  Part of me loves rules.  They provide definition and roadposts.  Part of me doesn't.

Rule no 1 to suviving in difficult workplaces: SIU (Suck it up) and smile.

Rule no 2 for dealing with fwit project managers: SIU and smile.

Rule no 3 for surviving as a contractor: SIU and smile.

Yeah, maybe I'm getting better at these particular rules.  Maybe.

But seriously, something really astounded me today at work.  A contractor (not me) who is contracted to do what I think is fairly straightforward standard defined task, has contracted another contractor to do it, (who has now left) and now another contractor.  This task should have been done and dusted.  Completo.

 Anyway, all beyong my "sphere of influence" but you know, it still leaves me thinking wtf?  Having been on the road for the last two weeks, part of this process actually makes me incredibly sad.  Thats becasue I'm "soft" eh?

I was in a meeting today and seriously I wanted to say "are you f****n serious?" but no, I had to remember rules 1, 2, and 3.

Anyway, that's the space I'm in now: SIU and smile.

This aside, I'm feeling slightly more at ease about the world - not yet reached peaceful bliss.  But more at ease about life and stuff. 

The best thing in the world sometimes is coming through the Rimutaka tunnel at the end of the day.  Seeing the landscape.  Seeing the lake and the hills.  Arriving in my little town.  And knowing I'm home, and will sleep in my own bed!  These simple things do help ground me.

Booked in for rpm tomorrow and friday.  Its a start - re getting back on to the programme. Apparently there is such a thing as muscle memory.  My body will remember this stuff makes it happy and keep balanced ;-)

My new absolute fav track - this makes me smile and happy :-)!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAtL9itQ0Nc

Artichoke soup

Here is how you make Jereasulem Artichoke soup.

Dig the artichokes from your garden.  You know they are ready for digging because they have a yellow type sunflower.

Wash and scrub clean.

Fill a large roasting dish with artichokes.  Sprinkle sea salt and pepper and throw on some olive oil.  Quite a bit of olive oil...Roast until soft and some parts are crunchy.

Take two large onions and garlic bulbs (yes bulbs, not cloves :-)).  Cut and saute in a large soup dish in some of the oil extracted  from the roasting artichokes.

Place roasted artichokes in with the garlic and onions.  Cover with milk.  Boil.

Viola - artichoke soup.  Tastes nutty - like "single origin"  soup.

If you want to be fancy pancy and have guests, i'd probably put it through a sieve.  But personally I kind of like it "rustic".

Eat with sliced garlic sour dough bread - if you wanted to be real mothr earth, home made special edition brown bread would be good today.  But this weekend I left that step out.

Rustic autumn comfort food.

Unfortunately, artichokes in large quantities as I mentioned yesterday will make you fart.  Having googled why this is, health wise  there are quite good (as in probiotic stuff) why this is. That aside,  artichoke soup is a perhaps the coolest autumn soup in terms of taste, I reckon.

WARNING: it sometimes pays to remember that it is best to make in small batches.   Having reviewed the quantity of soup remaining in the fridge this morning, I think I made enough last night to feed a dinner party of 20 or so - becasue the soup is so naturally rich, I find you only need a small bowl to feel full.

Guess I'll be eating this soup for the next few days...and um therefore farting - this aspect not really being a big selling point of the soup eh?

looks deceptively plain and like porridge eh?

but this soup is
"the bomb"
for a true taste of autumn

Goethe, wheelbarrows, other stuff...and karma

“Es ist nicht genug, zu wissen, man muss auch anwenden. Es ist nicht genug zu wollen, man muss auch tun.”

Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.

Health wise, I am still not 100%.  Rediscovered this quote today.  It's not my absolute fav Goethe quote, but it is perhpas my second fav.  

Primo harvest down at the local market this morning; relish, pickled onions, melons, grapes, apples, garlic, eggs, mandarins, red onions - all organically grown and top notch produce.  I love this little market.  It is so unassuming.  It's not a "farmers market" as such, like at Solway, but I reckon in terms of the genuine home grown variety and interaction with the grower, its actually better now than the farmers market.  And the big plus its only 1km or so from my door.  Can't get any better green mile than that, other than growing it myself.

I'll probably make some jerusalem artichoke soup for tea today from my own garden.  Necessary to make on a Friday or Saturday because the reality is it makes you fart! - a lot.  Not sure why that is.  Although in a warped way the symbolism of farting in my workplace holds some appeal re how I feel about certain things, I know it not really "good practice" ;-).

Witnessed the local wheelbarrow race down town this morning. It makes me smile, watching the oldies in their scooters, the young kids in their scooters, the decorated wheelbarrows and various races.  Its good old fashioned fun.

Today I am entered in the Forest Graperide.  Instead I'll just be eating grapes.  The fact that I've been sick this week, probably would have meant I couldn't have done it in any case. 

Its another missed goal.  The only goal that really matters, is completing Taupo again this year, and getting a road programme on track again so that I can do it in a better time this year.

I can't ignore that there are  things that are frustrating me and challenging me, like work and a few other things. but what I can do is take control of the things I can control, expend what energy I have on the things that matter.

Krank 2

Today I returned to work after two days sick leave.  In retrospect, it probably would have been better if I had taken the third day, today, as sick leave.  Primarily becasue my physical immune system is still weakened.  Years of working with health professionals who just tough it out is a hard habit to break.  Like people, unless we have really close contact you will not be infected.  Although I'm fairly sure its not "close contact" that has led to my current cold.  Just maybe the annual cycle of my body telling me to stop and reassess things combined with too many air conditioned rooms. 

Anyway, I returned to work today to discover there were five new project members appointed to my team.  I knew that was imminent, but I hadn't expected it to be this week.  My project team is multilying at a proportion I'm not really comfortable with - simply becasue I think it will lead to diminishing returns.  What once felt like a great fit re the role and the project team no longer does.  Not just becasue of my weakened immune system.  Because of significantly new dynamics. However, because of my  weakend system, and becasue I'm not that brillant at "faking" how I feel (within a work context) at the best of times, I probably indicated that I am pissed off today and not just because I have a cold.  While I have still have huge respect for the colleagues that count (in my world view), there are factors that lead me to longer consider my working environment a high trust working environment, where I previously did.  It was something I immensely valued about my workplace.

This fact is a significant contributing factor to making me unsettled.  I have that feeling where I'd like to wrap my hands in boxing wraps and gloves and just belt the shit out of a round of boxing bags until there is nothing left to give physically - or maybe get on my bike and just ride until I can ride no more.

But becuase my immune system is weakend right now, I can't do that. Also a month or so without a regular pattern of exercise probably means I couldn't in any case.  But that is totally how I feel.

So, am I at a cross roads again?  I guess I am. 

There is a cool blog I read where the author has been writing how she is at peace as her life takes a new direction.  I'd like to be able to write that I am at peace.  But I am not - at peace.

On the way home from the supermarket last night (a necessary shopping purchase to get basic supplies like honey, vicks etc), I stood on the railway line and listened to the signal sounds.  Part of my DNA the train thing.  But I looked towards the light of the train positioned at the railway station awaiting take off, and for a moment the thought crossed my mind.  "So what if I stayed here" instead of walking over the track.

I wouldn't stay on the tracks when a train is coming - becasue I wouldn't.  Becasue that would be dumb.  more importantly, becasue I value my life,  and I know I am loved by the people I love.  I know life is worth living even though at times, like now, it can feel uncomfortable.  The thing is though, the thought did cross my mind.  I guess it highlights some physcological basic premise; hello a train is coming, if I don't move, I will get run over - then one asks oneself: do you want to get run over? And then, its quite a positive answer when the rheterocial answer to this question is no.

Anyway, that's enough angst for this post.  Just being honest about the space I'm in.

This weekend I will undertake to reset some goals and do some positive house and garden stuff.  I am sure that will help lift the focus back more positively. 

Krank

Krank is the German translation for sick.  I've always quite liked that particular translation. 

ich bin krank. 


I have a cold, which is slightly annoying.  A result of a) working long hours b) travelling and spending too much time in airports and air conditioned hotel rooms and c) not exercising over the last two weeks.

yeah, I feel blessed to have meaningful work, but I am also unsettled, on a number of fronts.  thats not necessarily a bad thing, I guess.  It's just what I make of it.


Not up to exercising at the moment due to the body shut down thing.  But its a reminder, that among other things, when I break the exercise pattern I do get sick.

Reflection

I've been reflecting on the last week of work.  It's intensive when you spend almost 24/7 with your colleague and repeat the same "story" every day.  So, stuff has been replaying in my head over the weekend, even though I'm supposed to be on the weekend channel.

The thing that I've been reflecting most is how my colleague is big into reflections.    So this means there are both pre and post reflections.   It means asking our regional colleagues questions like "what worked well in the presentation, what didn't work well" etc as well as sort of evaluating the whole "gig".  I guess its a way of continuous learning and improvement.  I just at times find it a bit intensive.

Its not that I'm not into reflection, becasue hello this blog is a form of reflection.  Its just that most of my reflection is in my head, and in my words.  So, the last week has sort of strecthed me has far as reflection goes.

Both in terms of work and delivering the work message we are delivering, and in terms of relfecting on my own personal progress and where I want to be.

So the crude  message is basically suck it up and get with the programme, and if your specifications don't meet our specifications then maybe you should think about changing.

I've been the reciepient of several change processes, but never part of delivering the message before.  In reflection, I'm not sure I feel completely comfortable about it actually.

Anyway, all this reflection makes me reflect on my own progress, and next steps.  I need to reignite my training programme, and also start making moves to secure my next contract.  The challenge being this winter to use as little firewood as possible (eg only at the weekends) and make it last for next winter as well.

Anyway, all that reflection was enough to get my feet back into the cleats.  Completed the Westside route at the back of Greytown.  My rpm cadence is not adjusted correctly so I had no reading for that. I need to work out how to get it right again.  Took about 60 minutes for 21 km and average speed 20km.  Not high speeds or distance, but enough to feel like I have been on the bike.

Heaps of corn fields at the moment which was quite pleasant to ride through.

Next weekend I'll maybe aim for  Martinborough ride again.

Dunedin RPM - 54321

So, I went to Dunedin RPM class - both Sunday and Monday night - same instructor both nights - Kelly.

First night, Kelly spots "new blood" and tells the lady in the red t shirt (that's me) to turn my dial up.  wtf?  I thought.  Its hard when you are on unfamilar machines to know where the dial is.  It wasn't like I was going deliberately "soft".  Eeek, and then she had me "on surveillance" for the whole class.  Well, it felt like that.

Second night, I wore a green t-shirt and changed seat.  Did it fool her?  No!  It's a kind of difficult to be invisible when you are my size, but I guess new blood is new blood, no matter what size you are?

Music set was the same both nights.  The release with Adam Lambert in.  Anyway, it felt good to get a bit of rpm in and if you are in Dunedin, I think Kelly is a v.good instructor.
Good instructor, but she looked "too pretty" at the end of each session to be a Wgtn Terrace instructor :-) (haha!)

Also managed to get about 3/4 hour weights and a bit of speedball  time in on the second night.  That felt good.  I like the weight work.  It's something I need to get back to, as it helps with stress and all that, but I'm sure also makes the cardio sessions more value - or productive.

Now I am in Nelson, and tonight I ate chocolate cake which probably defeats the last two nights rpm sessions - but hey it tasted good, and being "working class" it always tastes better when someone eleses pays:-)

"Interesting" experience for me to travel with a colleague who doesn't really "drink"  Well, of course she drinks, but you know, not alcohol.  So, at least that makes me not go wild on that factor.

Also interesting, she more or less hugs or kisses every new colleague we meet.  It creates peace and harmony and all that, but I don't completely feel at ease with this stuff in a work context.

Random train observations today

1.Middle aged lady (actually a little older than me) so possibly 'old lady' bangs the snack chip/chocolate dispenser and complains it never works.  Then hello, why use it?!!!!  eg get ya snacks at the railway station New World pre embarking.  Note, actaully the things I snack most on are blueberries and radishes, which I suspect, most people would never suspect....fundamental lesson though: if something is not working - modify your behaviour!!!

2.  Young guy misses Upper Hutt stop.  Presses emergency button.  Note, if you are travelling on the 'rapa train and miss the Upper Hutt stop, it is not an emergency.  So becasue I am actually a bit grumpy myself due to having to stand from Wellington due to a lack of seats, I say to "George" the angriest guard there is, "make him walk back to Upper Hutt".  omg.  After over 10 years travelling on the 'rapa train, I think that simple statement may have created a bond between me and George.

3. Kayak lady spots young(ish) atheletic looking guy and asks him if he would like to kayak.  Random.  She hands him a card. I sortof wanted to say to kayak lady, actually that's something I would like to try again.  I suspect she would never suspect.  Anyway, I work with a kayak lady, so I can follow-up seperately.

4. Youngish guy and gal exchange caramello and crunchie and living in London stories.  I at first thought they were partners.  But as the conversation carried on, no.  Just chcocolate eaters and ex London dwellers.

5.  The "old bat"from Featherston is back after a "time off" between contracts.  Again, a bit like my thing with George, I kind of feel more empathy for the old bat now.

6.  Sometimes, I wonder if I will ever have a "meaningful" (well actually just a converstion) with the RPM  shearing lady from Masterton.  I find it odd that we almost go to the same rpm classes, but the K lady or possibly C lady and I never talk?!! We probably go to the same classes beacuse of the train timetable thing.

Oh yeah, didn't get to the gym today.  And I'll probably be posting infrequently over the next couple of weeks :-)

It maybe necessary on a personal/work front to execute a bit of combat stuff.  I hope not, as I'm so passive by nature really.  Still, if I have to fight I will. I feel strong enough to do that though.  And thats where the mental training of the last 12 months or so kicks in, even if the pyhsical stuff is not completely on track :-)