Update

Long time between posts - so long Blogger has changed the format for posting.

Training with the PT is going surprisingly well.  I'll post more on the training regime at the weekend.

Our twice weekly sessions go something like this.  He asks me how I am.  I say good.  And then we do a 30 minute drill of 3-4 sets of 3-4 different types of exercies.  The we say see you next time.

PT weighed me today.  First weigh in in 5 weeks.  I had lost 3kg.  I was kind of hoping for 1kg a week becasue I've serioulsy upped my exerise regime and streamlined my diet, no alcohol etc.

Still, its progress and I know I can tend to plateau then can drop kilos. 

The PT was pretty happy = and almost estatic that I had lost 5% body fat.  Not really showing in my body measurements that I take at home.  Health wise thats a key thing loosing body fat.

Fitness wise I am improving my flexibility and core - and feel considerably better for that.

So, making progress - again - which is good.  And actually enjoying the weight work.  It is definitely helping me ride easier in RPM.

Haven't told the PT I'm actually osciallating on whether I do Taupo this year.  My primary goal for now is fitness and weight loss.  I'll see how the next few weeks go.  I'll do the Martinborough fun ride,  but I think my bike goal is going to shift to the Grape Ride in Blenheim next year which is in April.

PT1

First half hour session with the PT today. It was an "all body workout" apparently.  Some of the exercises I found hard.  Particulary the squat type ones.  Upper body is fine.  Exercises that require flexibility and core less so.   Still thats why Im working with a PT.

The hardest set for me to do today was an essential one for cyclists.  Basically you get in a press up position and then alternate bringing each leg forward.  I find that hard becasue I can't hold my weight.  The PT adjusted the exercise by adding a bit of height by using a box to put my hands on.  That at least made it possible for me to do the sets.

The PT alternated the sets.  So rather than doing 3 sets of the one exercise, moved between the sets.

It felt like a good half hour and maintain my confidence that it will work out.  I think the PT is still working out what my thresehold is, so maybe didn't push me 100 per cent.  That's probably wise, because a key thing is maintaing frequency in my workouts and being able to exercise 4-5 times a week at the gym and ride at the weekend. 

I finished with 11 mins rowing machine = 2km.  I'l  try to finish each wieght session with some cardio becasue that helps the fat burn.

Great being closer to the gym again - cuts out travel time.  Just need to to adjust to my new workplace.  eg today I didn't feel comfortable munching away at my desk after the gym so had a banana about 3 but not the ham and radishes I had until I got to the train about 5.15.  So just need to plan my eating a bit better.

Real nice having K lady on the same floor as me.  We are not in the same team, but will probably go to rpm together at least once or twice a week.

I'm pretty stuffed now - combintation of changing my gym programme and new work place, introductions - both taking me out of my comfort zone.  Ultimately this will be good though. 

West side story revisted

Yesterday I finally got around to changing my flat front tyre - which had gone flat after only one ride.  so I carefully checked for any glass or obstructions in the the tyre. I couldn't find any.  Hurrah, suceesfully changed the tyre and pumped it up.

After a sluggish start this morning I set off about 11.18 and did the back of Greytown route up by Matarawa station and back.  This is a flat ride, but has different directions where the wind blows.  My Polar thing that measures the rpm speed is not operating at full capacity, so all I knew for the ride was the time, and that went on and off.  It took about an hour and ten minutes.

It felt quite hard work.   My feet also hurt abit.   Not sure why.  Mentally, I'm still scared of falling off i guess.   It was a nice ride, and good to see the daffidols in the paddocks.

I struggle to think how I will be fit enough for Taupo this year, given I haven't been riding my bike as much as I was this time last year.  So a lot is "riding" on loosing some wieght and testing the theory that if I am lighter it will be easier.

I had a "fitness test" with the PT last week. We start proper sessions tomorrow.  I let him weigh me and take my body fat measurements from that etc,  I told him not to tell me and i didn't look.  I think it will work out with him, which sort of surprises me actually.  Turns out he has done Taupo about 6 times.  I was surprised by that too.  Not becasue I don't think he is fit enough.  But becasue he has the physique of a rugby player more than a cyclist.

Just checked the front tyre and its fricken flat again!  At least I lasted the ride this morning.  These are the same  hiccups i faced last year, getting over the tyre thing.  I'm not sure whether to take the bike in for a service or just to go and buy a new tyre and tube.  Surely that would work - although seems an expensive option! 

I start my new job tomorrow.  Its closer to the gym so thats good.  Although I'm fairly sure I'm going to have to work a "full day" and not be "underemployed" and have the luxury of flexible hours that I have previously had.  Apart from the fact that I wanted to let go of certain things from my last work place, thats why I sought a new job for the challenge, doing a full decent days work.  It's going to be a bit of a shock though.  It will probably necessitate getting the early and late train home to fit the gym time in i've committed to.

So, tomorrow kicks off PT training.  It feels like I have to make it work.  That's a good thing, given a few doubts that I will overcome about being able to complete Taupo this year.

That fricken tyre!...its slightly annoying, but a small challenge I guess...

Footprints and Chris Isak

Today I went to rpm, with the PT.  That's becasue today is Tuesday PT RPM day.   He played a few old skool tracks inlcuding quite a good one by Chris Isak.  So I blame Chris Isak for what happened today!

After class I asked the PT man if he would take me on as a client!!  I know.  I don't know if he was more surprised than I was that i actually asked him. Actually I've been thinking about approaching the PT for a few weeks, but decided that if I didn't do it today i never would.

I should have a little extra money each fortnight re my new 6 month job and I'm going to spend it on sorting my physical health out - because in doing this, it so helps my overall health.

The thing is I need to make some progress re my weight which I haven't this year really.  I can't hide my previous gym footprints from the PT, because he knows i've had a couple of PTs before - made progress and then gone off track.  so i think it is a challenge for both the PT and me.

I think it will work - I'm determined to make it work.

Because - I've made the decision to do Taupo this year - I'm not as advanced in my training as i was last year, probaly weigh more etc .   But I'm committing to the next 17 weeks.  I've decided it doesn't matter Im not as advanced, cos i'm going to have a smarter, meaner, leaner approach.

Realisticallly Ill still be facing 9ish hours - but hello that would be 2 hours less than last year!!  i think thats my goal.

So, decision locked in!  Taupo and training with the PT!!!

3 days of my current job to go - there will probably be drinks on Fri - and they will probably be my last until Taupo!

Carpet

When did the ladies changing room at the terrace get carpet?  eek.  when indeed.  I have no idea.

I went to rpm today with hutt girl.  She was in good form.  I am not. Physically.  Week by week has slipped into months.

i have to decide whether I enrol for Taupo.  i don't think i will this year.  i really don't think in 12 weeks I can resurrect my training, and all the accomodation is booked.  there is the option of staying in kuatau again, but thats essentially a 40 minute drive pre race - no longer than driving to wgtn say from the rapa, so possibly road blocks im constructing.  i think the way to go is to reset some bigger goals, inlcuding cycle  related.  eg just getting back into riding to Martinborough at the weekends, getting some road kms, and something like the elusive Windmilll hills - then i'll know i have fitness i am cool with.

I finish  my current job in a week or so.  The agency that declined me a month or so ago changed their mind!` And now I have a 6 month contract locked in until Feb.  Good news.  yeah.  It's an agency i have never worked for, but public service Wellington land, it is full of people who I have worked with.- including k lady who will be on the same floor as me.  So, I'll have a work rpm buddy which will be cool.  plus i'll be working at the end of the terrace, and just that 10 mins less walk each way will make a diffence.

This has taken ages to come though and i've been quite focussed on my exit strategy.  i pulled it off but to the detriment of my  gym training,

anyway, entries hopefully will be more frequent again soon - reflecting getting my training back on track.

Whittakers

Factoid:  If I don't go to rpm/the gym, and eat Whittakers peanut butter chocolate and other stuff  = weight gain.  I got one rpm session this week in. it was good one with the PT.  But I need much more than one session.

I'm on the cusp of changing jobs.  this should not result me in eating whittakers chocolate and other stuff, but in the absence of paperwork and final stuff, it is.  I find waiting for the fricken phone to ring stressful~!  I potentially now have 2 jobs in close view - closing in on the target,

Potentially if I get the job i really really (really)  want - and which for represents the perfect job, at this time, then I would need to go to LM Extreme. It would be quite cool to be able to go to the boxing floor again.

If i get job, still a good job. i'll be closer to the lm the terrace.

i need to try and make a big effort this weekend to get back on my real bike and get some real exercuse in.

two things

Two things I just don't get:
1. Why would you chew gum through a RPM session?
2. Why would you sit under the speakers and then wear ear plugs if ya don't like the music loud?

two observations from today, of two different riders.

Don't usually make it on a Monday.  Not sure if I will again.  Instructor fine enough, and the hottest man I have seen for some time in the front row in the room.

I think Mr B's combat session would be the go if I make Mondays more regular.

The good thing though about a Monday workout is that I know it will make the Tuesday session better.

rpm

Got back to rpm today with the Hutt Girl. She welcomed me back into the house of rpm. Nice.

The workout felt good. The knee held up, although not necessarily the bandage so well.It's supposed to last 3-4 days.

There was a guy in front of me with 2 knees bandaged.  Like how could you need 2 knees bandaged i thought.

Hutt Girl mentioned Taupo.  I'm osciallating on it for this year, but think I need to lock it in.  Afterall, I have to knock a few hours off my time.

Anyway, just the familiar coaching lines of Hutt Girl was worth going to rpm today~! to think about my goals, aspirations and "why am i here'?

Knee update

Today I went to a physio instead of the gym at lunchtime - armed with a referral I should have got my gp to write the day or so after my fall.   The place down Lambton Quay opposite TPK.
Three things I realised;
a) I should have gone sooner - much sooner
b) ACC is not free ?! - it is merely subsidised.
c) Physio is a nice experience when it makes you feel better!

Anyway, the young man I saw, I would give a 10/10.  Very professional.

Fortunatley I had taken some shorts to wear, and he was very professional about popping out while I got changed;-).

Turns out my knee is still bruised internally, but he is confident it is on the mend.  He advised me even if it does hurt slightly while I am on the bike, or a bike, it wont make the injury worse.  It is safe to ride!

He did some ultrasound stuff which definitely warmed up the area and made it feel  better, 'bandaged my knee'- i went for neutral bandage rather than bright pink, and gave me some very basic but useful exercises that will stretch the area that is bruised, and remind it again it has lots of exciting stuff to look forward to like bike rides to Martinborough and RPM sessions.

It was kind of fascinating in the waiting room. A real basic realisation that the waiting room was generally only filled with 'fit' people because they get off their arse and exercise.

Although I've digressed from my fitness goals,  being in the physio waiting room today helped provide motivation to get refocussed.

Charlotte Yates music clip 'Given Up'

This post really goes with yesterday.  Today I saw CY down Lambton Quay. Weird, because I've been revisiting some of the Yates tracks.  Both her own, which I will always love, and those of the  Baxter and Tuwhare albums. 

I haven't given up.  On my knee, or myself :-) I still like the track though,  although not as much as a few other Yates tracks -  but I can't source any videos for them.

Quite good to revist the music - and the poems.  They help remind me what is important.

Petone beach walk

Today I did one of my favourite beach walks. Not my ultimate favourite beach walk- that's reserved for the ruggedness of Breaker Bay. And given the overcastness of today, Breaker Bay would've been awesome.  But given I'm still restricted by public transport options, I had a semi retro day in Petone.

I have mixed feelings about the upgrade of Petone.  The landscaping on the beach is great, but seeing the old cottages on the waterfront in conversion to mansions seems odd.  Still, I guesss that's progress.

I don't get to Petone that often now, but when I lived in Wainui, I pretty much walked the beach nearly every weekend.  So, it's memory I like to revisit now and again. It helps me clear my head, although I'm not sure if today it did, actually.  No, yeah, it did.  But not completely.

Anyway, the walk in total would have been about 5-6km.  Simple walk, but for some reason, walking seems to have aggrevated the knee.

Did some op shop window shopping down Jackson Street (Salvation Army, Hospice, St Vicent de paul and another random shop) - but it freaked me out actually.  Definitely didn't have the chilled out factor of the Carterton Salvation Army shop. There was a vibe of angst.  It was not the nice local vibe of Carterton.

Strange measurement, but that's my measurement for today.

Back to work tomorrow, where I guess I have to suck it up - although I'm still not completely sure that I will.

Basic calculation to bear in mind:  a. Suck it up = 3 months more work. 
b.Don't suck it up = 8 days more work.

I may or may not have executed b on Friday in any case.

Seat 18

Maybe my new RPM seat.  It's the last seat in the back row, orientated facing the RPM instructor.

If it's a full house it allows some leeway in sitting out the standing parts.  Not that I plan to be doing that for much longer.  Still oscillating whether exercise makes my knee better.  I think it does.

Went to RPM today with the Young American.  That at least makes it 2 x this week.

Was a good session, and I think I pushed myself a little more than Tuesday.  The K lady rode next to me so that was good.  Bit of old school Rhianna.  Sometimes its nice to hear the "old" tracks.

I'm not making overall progress tho until I get my eating sorted.  Reduced my drinking significantly, after I found the bottles in the recylce bin creeping up to a more than desirable weekly total.  Now I need to  sharpen up on the food intake.  This is unlikely to occur this weekend.

It's fair to say I'm bored out of my tree at work now. No paperwork re my extension.  And this is crazy, in the absence of an alternative, but I'm still thinking of "walking away".Its crazy because where does ethics get you - or me?

I still totally think some practices at my work place are not right.  I wrestle with that, and it affects my overall harmony.

Painkiller

Went to RPM today with the PT.  I think he was making an effort to be nice to the middle aged ladies in the room. Maybe he has missed me!

Bit hard trying to do standing tracks for 3 (painkiller) and 7 (Night Train).  I could feel my knee. 

So instead I did something I don't normally do with the PT. Looked him in the eye in those tracks!

It kind of helped shift the focus from the moderate pain of my knee/leg.

Definitely feel better for the session today.  So maybe I just need to RPM this niggling injury out!

Random

1.  I have concluded it is possible to eat too many feijoas.  As I have had an incredible harvest this year, I now have enough feijoas in the freezer and jam jars to feed a family of four for a year.  Because I am currently keeping to a budget (partly due to the unknown, and partly because this will mean I can get a car again etc), I figure eat as much free and fresh as I can.  But I conclude you can eat too much feijoa.  You really can.

2.  Today my acting Senior Manager told me to pretend I was a 7 year old and waiting for my birthday. Well, actually I am nearly a 47 year old and waiting for my birthday.  The point being just co
count the days out and work them out until I no longer have to deal work with the f-wit project manager. 

This was following trying to transfer my current contract obligations.  Apparently contract 2 will be seperate from contract 1.  Anyway, its kind of a good analogy within the spirit the comment was made.  Its the same really as saying "its only now 3 weeks, suck it up" I guess I can now.  At least, if it measn another 3 months work.  And that's what sucking it up rests on now.  So yeah I can.

3.  Didn't make it to the gym today.  I didn't think I would be able to cope with the PT "go hard, or go home approach". 

4.  Despite declaring my knee healed.  It is not. Completely healed

rpm 55

Got to the gym and rpm 55.  First rpm workout in about 5-6 weeks.  Man I feel for those All Blacks when they get injured.  Although they do have the advantage of a structured rehab programme.

The Young American was in good form.  I think she recognised I was taking it easy.   But man just lasting 45 minutes on the bike for a full session felt like it was enough today - and a victory.  There is still some strain on my right leg, so to cope with this I reduced the intensity.  I'd say the knee/leg is about 85%.

Nice music.  Its not optimal when you cant work at full capacity.  But at least its a start on the way back.

Mittwoch

Funny day today.  My acting Manager asked if I would be available for a 3 month extension, the caveat being it would be a three month extension, but not working on the project I have worked on for the last year or so. 

So, you know, I said yes.  And then tonight on the train I thought about the time this lovely man sent me the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I had ever recieved and tickets to Simply Red - (it was in the 90s!) and despite the fact that I LOVE  beautiful flowers and Simply Red, you know, it wasn't enough.  NB, he subsequently became very, very rich.  But it wasn't enought at that time.  And that's what I thought of today, that memory from 20 or so years ago....

The colleague I respect most, and the reason why I took the job with my current employer, left today for a month's holdiay biking in Vietnam and Cambodia.

Now I feel I have to step into her shoes, or at least step up.  That will be good in some ways.

But there remain things I am not happy about.  Things that do not sit well within regarding my workplace.  So I struggle: is the easy option to walk away? or is the harder option to stay?

Anyway, booked in for rpm tomorrow.  Knee probably about at 90%.  But I need to get back to RPM~!

Gardening and the gym

Grabbed my "trackies' this morning in a rush.  They are longer and warmer than my "shorts".  Only problem is I forgot they are also my gardening trackies, so when I got to the gym today and looked down at my knees there was the evidene on the knee parts of having spent a good part of yesterday crawling on my knees under the feijoa trees - getting the last of the harvest in.  Fortunately, they are dark blue, and someone would have had to got quite close to really notice.  Lockwood did get quite close actually, but fortunately not that close.  It still remains one of lifes puzzles how we circle each other often around the same weight machines! - although I've never seen him on the leg press!  But yeah, he does have a good body.  Goodness knows what he thinks of me!

The thing I'm actually usually pretty meticulus about having clean gear and towels and all that.  But oh well, not today.

Did some x trainer, cycling at a low intensity and some upper body weights.  Purchased 10 rpm sessions in the expectation I will be back in the rpm room soon.  Can feel my knee and leg tonight.  But I've decided I kind of need to get back into it - awaken it and stretch it out back to being normal - while not being silly about eh.

Its not really a smart training progamme, but for now, the important thing is just actually keeping to the pattern of getting to the gym.

I'm sure my clothes are tighter and all that - the result of suspending the gym programme, and non smart eating.

Anyway, life does feel better after a gym workout :-) even if its not a high intensity workout. 

Downward Dog

Made it to Body Balance today.    I think I enjoyed it more than last time.  Partly because I wasn't having to think quite so much, even though it was a different set.  Commenced with a nice soft remix version of Bob Marley's redemption.  It was apparently BB release 53. and 54 is coming, which eek hello means there will be another release of RPM coming too,

Good to see the BBL- even though we don't speak much, we speak a little.  It still unnerves me when I catch her in class checking out my moves!

Its fair to say my downward dog is more like a barking dog, and my graceful swan is like an ugly duckling with a sore knee.  But I do what my body allows me to do.

But hey, the BBL was emphasising today its all about being comfortable in your space.

Yeah, I liked today.  I create my own little (or large actually) moves for those moves I physically can't manage, and thats how I do it.

I can feel my legs now.  But in that good way.

Headwinds

Another educational day...So, yeah the last few months have been pretty stressful at work.  And the last month has been stressful at work, and stressful personally, because I haven't been relieving that stress physically through rpm and the gym.

Today, though it felt like I was no longer riding against the wind - that somehow the wind was finally on my back.

The man with 50 pair of jeans and I had a 1:1.  It's fair to say I've been at times angry and pisssed off with over the last few weeks, and I still consider him a "naughty" social worker - who likes the circle of chaos and then solving it, but we had a bit of a reconsilatory session today, and that was good because I was able to see all his good qualities again - and his good qualities are good.  Basically, I think he conceded that some of the project managers behaviour has been unacceptable and unprofessional, and that I have been caught in the crosswinds of it all.

I found myself saying to the man with 50 pairs of jeans, I didn't care what the project manager thought of me, and no obligation to defend myself or work history to her, after the meeting we had on Tuesday where she was rude and showed no respect - not even to agree to disagree.  The weird thing is, that felt so empowering to say that. Cos it was like I wasn't saying stuff about the project manager, it was more in saying I know who I am, I know what's important to me, and what I value.  Not what I don't respect.  But rather what I do.  And you know, that's where the man with 50 pairs of jeans is good.  He created that opportunity to allow me to say that, and it felt far more empowering than I ever thought it would, so you know, I'm grateful for that.

I said I did actually care what the man with 50 pairs of jeans thinks and other people think.

Later in the day the colleague I respect most advised she has secured a secondment.   It potentially opens some possibility to stay with the team I am working with.  I am not sure how I feel about that.

I'll take it day by day.  My colleague in any case is going on a months leave riding her bike in Cambodia! 

Had lunch with J, who actually worked in Cambodia for quite a few years.  We worked together at Hutt Valley Health.  Weird, but it was nice to hear her voice, see her properly for lunch after several years.   I;m not sure completely why.  Part of it though is reminding me of a time when I was more connected to my creative side, and that also corresponded with being the last time I was actually almost a weight I would be happy with.  It was good to make those connects.

Pretty stuffed now after today!  Will keep some decent sleep now, and RESOLVED to FINALLY get to Body Balance tomorrow.

Knee Update

I went to see my Frau Doktor today.  So I describe how for at least a couple of weeks it felt like I had a golf ball behind my knee - but now its like a giant marble.  She says "oh, you must have had a cyst".  Like, kia ora for that Dr.  She asks if it has popped.  Ah no.  Anyway, that probably explains why the knee has taken a little longer to heal.

But anyway, it's not all about the physical healing right now.  It's about managing my mental and spiritual health.  So, the consult did help in that respect. Cos yeah it is about holistic health. 

I had a full on 1:3 meeting today at work - that's me, two managers and the project manager discussing how we work together.  Crikey.   It was supposed to be the whanau hui meeting, but the project manager, and the managers changed the rules.  Anyway, I handled it ok, in fact I was prettty proud of myself re how I handled it.  Once I let go of the turmoil and angst I can actaully do those meetings.  Although its not really a competeny I wish to gain experience.  Although its basic relationship management.  So I suppose it does strengthen that competency.

The only positive outcome is the project manager revealed their true colours.  Is that a victory?  No, not really.  The victory for me today is only in that I kept as much to my own rules of work - re keeping it to the issues and not the person...

I also had lunch with my colleague who I have a lot of repsect for.  That was good becasue we went to KM park and just talked.  And that helped me to keep perspective on my "wig out" last Friday.  She recognised it was a sympton of the stress I have been under - we have both been under stress.  But you know, in the weeks that have been, it helps to be reminded that ok Friday was a bad day, but overall not a reflection of my competence.  I needed to hear that, beasue it is easy to let self doubt creep in.

Should have a free lunchtime tomorrow.  Probably wont make it to rpm.  But do intened to make it to the gym.

My heart beat faster when my colleague and I walked to KM park.  There was a group doing outside boxing.  And I thought, yeah, I'd love to be doing that.  I said that to my colleague.  But I don't think she actually realised how seriously I was about that!

Although I don't need to box right now to get rid of the anger, its just pure physical release where the boxing thing helps, and the rhythm required to do it well.

A reminder though I love that stuff, and also I do actually need to "box clever" re seeing my contract out.

Oh yeah, I missed an entry at the weekend.  Went for a swim at Masterton last Saturday.  It was good.  I think it dd help my knee. I did though have to share the spa with a group of boys that may or may not have been first fifteen rugby boys.  I felt like their Mum.  They were a nice group of boys though - too focussed on their coach telling them to get in the spa, the pool and the sauna, as some form of conditioning.  I think I looked at te boys puzzled - they looked at me puzzled.  But it was OK actually!

Mistakes

Today I made stuuuuuuuupid dumb mistakes at work - like the most basic of typos in a contract letter with a provider.  An embarasssingly one for my employer if it had gone to the provider.  Embarassing enough for me to have made it.  I also made another simple and easy task much more complicated than it needed to be.

An unintended consequence of the stress at work, I guess.  I go dyslexic.  I just cant see the stuff. 

Yeah, maybe there is a metaphor there - sometimes I just can't see stuff until it is too late.

As hazy as some things may be, and aside from the fact that I really did make mistakes today, I am confident in my asssessment of the man I was angry with.  He has a dark side.  I just never saw it.

I have a weak side, and he has exposed it.  These two things coming together, well...I can only hope that the fact that is resulting in a lot of self reflection,  does eventually result in a better outcome in terms of the wider journery

.Anyway, this is what happens when I don't execise for FOUR weeks, I spin out.  Things don't quite align.

I am no longer angry about the stuff - I've made the decision to no longer fight but o "surrender"  Sometimes thats the best way to win a fight.  It is what I have to do.   And as much as I think I'm 100% cool with it, there is still something kicking around in my soul and body that is clearly unsettled.

The only thing I must fight for now, is to regroup myself, get back into training, and find the right space and place I'm meant to be in.

The knee is better.  If I an fix my tyre (again) I might actually try a ride for a few km this weekend.

Definitely will get get a swim in on Sunday.


Anyhow, not the best of days today. And will come as no surprise given the above, I didn't get to Bodybalance!

Train Conversation

Overhead train conversation this morning.
Any resemblance of descriptors to real life people and conversation are purely coincidental

PSA Union Man who gets on at Featherston:  So I was reading Ecclestsiastes last night
Belly dancing VUW Canadian Counsellor lady who gets on at Greytown: Oh, so that's the Bible right?
PSA Union Man: Yeah, that's right
.

The thing is a) I so did not think the PSA man was a Christian
b) I needed to be reminded of Ecclesiastes.  My favourites Chapetr is 3:  A Time for Everything,
c) the way the PSA mana dropped in the reference to his reading , was like he was reflecting on a novel or a Tv programme he had watched last night.

Then he shared with excitement  what he was having for lunch: celery.  And  so moving on from Ecclestiates for about 5 mins they discussed how wonderful celery was!

So, I'm revisiting Ecclesiastes and trying to keep in mind Jeremiah 29:11

For i know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord - plans for you to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future...

So biblical reference today thanks to the inspiration of the PSA man....a most unexpected source.

Knee slowly healing.  Might actually make it to Body Balance this Friday

Pull down

Made it to the gym today.  First time I think in about 3 weeks.  Didn't actually do a lot!  Did a few lat pull down sets and some other arms exercises, a few sets of sit ups and some stretches.  Did a few leg things on the lowest of leg weights, and good feel the pinch.  Even still walking up the gym stairs.

Still that's more than any other lunchtime over the last 3 weeks.  Felt strange not to be getting changed for rpm.  But good to be in the positive environment of the gym.

When I was in the stretching area, which I note can get rather cramped at peak hour lunch time, the PT man came with a client and located himself, with his client, next to me.  I guess it was the most logical space in terms of space available.  And then....he massaged his clients leg.  Just where I would quite like mine massaged.  And in that moment I had massage envy! if there is such a thing.  Although it was tempered to a degree that it was the PT man.  Although he looked like he knew what he was doing.

My colleague who I sit next door to at work is a Feldenkrais practitioner.  She has offered to do something for my knee.  Probably not as manipulative as the PT.  Anyway, I think she is OK so I amy let her!

As for the meeting that occcured today.  It was Ok.   I think my points are understood as valid in terms of the process or lack of process that has occured.  I realised today I am a little bit angry with certain people.  Anger that I think is justified.  But there is no use hanging onto that anger.  It's happened.  I'm pissed at certain aspects, but I said (on this blog!) if it came down to principles then I would stand by them.  That's what I did.  The consequence is my contract wont be renewed, when it could have been.  But I just have to remember, it was only ever meant to be a short term gig.  And in leaving, it frees me up for other stuff, even if I don't know what that stuff is.

I see there is a Goethe Inst/Listener comp on to write a modern fairy tale based on the Grimm brothers.  I might give it a go!  Fairy tales normally have three of something in eg three little pigs.  Hmm, I might try and make it a sort of updated version of Gliding On but in a fairy tale/Grimms brothers format.  Might keep me amused, and I reckon I could make it work.  Must check when the closing date is.

In the meantime, now I focus seriously on healing my leg, and not using my energy on anger, but on finding a job that will pay my mortgage.

Never, Ever Give Up.

Missing my Sunday rides.  But taking inspiration from this.

This guy looks like how I feel when I do Body Balance.

Also, it serves as a reminder not to focus on what my knee can currently not do, but what it can.

Less sure

today, I'll make it to 30th June work wise.

meeting on Monday to "discuss".

Initial goal is to make it to 30 May.

Wonder if the stress is inhibiting progress on my knee healing.  Will put some arnica on it this weekend.  Maybe that will help.

Nearly 3 week mark.  No gym and diet is *whack*

Will try and get some short walks in, and some decent gardening i at the weekend.

Witnessed a bike nearly get hit by a truck near Astoria this morning.  The truck was definitely at fault.  The cyclist managed to click out of his cleats.    If I'd be riding his bike I would be dead.  Felt for the cyclist, and admired his angry outburst at the truck driver as he pointed out a few facts.

Could completely understand though, it was a very very close call.

Oh well, 2 days respite from the work stuff, although the reality of work related stuff being on the mind will be present.

Whanau hui

so apparently the way to resolve a f-wit project manager at work casuing havoc etc is to convene a whanau hui.  Oh Lordy, I respect hugely some of my colleagues, but sometimes on days like today I feel like the Headmaster has just called a meeting of the naughty and not so naughty (unfortunately I do  not consider myself naughty) teachers and students.

Oh hello, that maybe becasue an ex headmaster has convened a meeting - with some ex teachers and students aka my colleagues.

I guess we all have own point of referecne for dealing with such matters.

Part of this makes me laugh and part of it makes me sad, becasue the person causing the havoc doesn't appear to have any sense of remorse about it all.

There is though a certain relief.  I am actually, unfortunately through past experience quite good at dealing with this s***.  And I feel confident now I can at least keep my contract until 30 June.  Beyond that, there remains uncertainty.  But at least dealing through process with this stuff buys me time.

Thats why I am a person who likes process and *rules*

It makes me very sad that its close on 3 weeks and my knee it is not healing!

Contemplating going to rpm tomorrow despite my injury.  Maybe I could just sit in the dark and listen to some nice music :-) Haha~!

Wednesday

Better day than yesterday.

Knee still healing - slower than I had hoped for. Physiotherapy may have been a good idea.  The cold snap weather wise seems to be slowing it down to - and properly a lack of additional movement other than walking.

Calm before the storm feeling.

Today I raised a few issues at work.  That whole choice and consequence thing. I've made a choice though I can live with the consequence of the decision I made today,  re  making my concerns more formalised.

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to loose" to quote Janis Joplin

Stink

Stink day at work today, VERY STINK.

Nearly walked out. Not to return.

I did walk out, went to the KM park

and

Cried.

Then I walked back.


-------


The highlight of today though was meeting J. We worked together at  Hutt Valley DHB.  Haven't seen each other for close on 20 years.  She followed her heart and her passion.  It was good to be reminded of that today of all days.

We are going to catch up proper soon.  Yeah, my dr would call it a divine appointment.  I think it was actually. Had a few divine appointments today.  It is those that are getting me thru at the moment in the absence of decent workouts.

Wish my knee would heal FASTER.  HARDER AND FASTER!

Full Moon

Looks pretty awesome tonight.  Reminds me of this song:

http://www.youtube.com/embed/AsNTmjlf1vI

Here's an article on my latest mini pump - which made me realise I could unscrew the water holder and affi both the water holder and the pump with the same screws! - viola - I will try that.
The Road.cc review of the Lezyne tech drive HP pump http://ow.ly/aHn0i available here http://ow.ly/aHn2J

Review: Lezyne Tech Drive HP pump | road.cc | Road cycling news, Bike...

ow.ly

A beautifully-engineered and highly-efficient mini-pump, with some clever features and a fair price tag

 

Knee still healing...

Bath

I find the  best way to check the status of my knee is in the bath.  For some reason I can feel in comparison to my other knee exactly what the difference is and where the swelling remains.  The verdict being there is still swelling.  I'm not sure why I can't feel it exactly the same when I lie on the couch in exactly the same position.  There remains "golf ball" swelling....

On Friday I nearly got run over by a bus.  Seriously.  Admitedly I was running a red light. and the bus was beeping.  Still, I actually think it was uncalled for to accelerate at me?!!!  Anyway, it made me realise I could move "at speed" if required for the necessary 10 metre sprint not to get run over.  Despite that its not fully healed yet.

So, not ready to go for weekend rides.

Besides. I need to change the front tyre on my bike - again...before I can ride again.  This time I will double check there are no obstructions in the tyre.

I will get back to the gym this week.  I'll assess on Monday whether I think I can do RPM.  If I don't think its a good idea, I'll definitely do some weights, as not only do I need to get back on "programme". I really do need to manage the stress re my job, and the prospect of finding a new one within 4 pay days.  Doable, but still stressful, unless the Eye of The Tiger adrenalin thing ignited - which currently it is not.

I will though get back to the gym this week.

Mai Tag

Miranda

Miranda is in Midwives, (in a "serious" role) the TV programme on Sunday night.  Last night she fell off a bike.  Pretty much like I did.    It's not a good copy, but yep pretty much in some ways is how I fell - to the right.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/stsxSK3VYDY"

In real life Miranda raised a heap load of money for charity in a long  bike ride.  I like her comedy series and her humour...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=UTf17cmPl0I

she also falls over a lot - in her show - which I guess is the basis for the fall in Midwives...


I went to my GP today.  She confirmed what I already knew.  My knee is sprained, but it is healing.  She said it would take between 2-3 weeks ...

Today at lunchtime I observed this guy ride his bike up to the steps of the parliamentary library, park it up by the steps and then take several photos of it. From my observations it was an expensive bike with carbon wheels.  I couldn't see the significance of why the photos had to be taken there.  It was odd really.  But in the absence of being able to ride a bike or do rpm at the moment kept me semi amused.

Lifecycle

I can't wait until I can get back to RPM, and Sunday road rides again - (although I'm still a little nervous I may also have the opportunity to do weekday rides soon too....still, if that happens, then I take it as an opportunity).

I think my self assessment is as there is still what feels like a small ball under my knee in terms of swelling, it wont be this week.  Still, I can't wait!  And the thing is if I let my knee heal, I will be able to.  Will see what the GP says tomorrow in terms of a medical opionion.

In the meantime, this is very cool, warms my heart and makes me smile:

http://video.bicycling.com/video/Holstee-Manifesto-Lifecycle-Vid

It pretty much captures what I try and live by.  It doesn't always feel like I achieve it, but having reflected on stuff over the weekend, maybe I am more aligned and closer to it.  And that for me is a good thing.

Lawnmower

To celebrate getting my lawnmover fixed today, and being able to mow my lawn - both because the lawnmower is fixed (don't leave in the rain ;-)) and the my knee is improving. here's a video I quite like I found on the Morgueman's site.

I actually really like mowing lawns - considerably more than housework!

And I've even been able to insert it as it should be!

I think it visually encapsulates how I felt yesterday - and still feel to some extent.

*BOOM*

Favourite line of a Tracy Chapman song is this:  "Don't be tempted by the shiny apple, don't you eat of the bitter fruit, because all that you have is your soul"....hunger only for a taste of justice.....actually, this is an original fav track from way back...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4hbQj8NK1g
Well, yeah, I think its wrong if a colleague is bullied.  And I said so.

Yeah, I think it is wrong if a colleague is asked to change their work portfolio because they are pregnant in the year 2012.

I took a "seated stand".  My contract wont be renewed I was advised today.  This is a reverse on previous discussions, and in part when I asked, it's attributed to my taking a stand, not my work...go figure.

I should feel confident in the position I took.  For me it was about principles.

And yeah I do. I can live with my actions and principles.  But inside its still like taking a helluva leap as to what next. There's that massive gulp feeling.  It should be "yay, I have a blank page", and I'm not locked in to the stupidity and injustice that can exist in some workplace and how that can drain positive energy. It feel tho a little like jumping off a cliff, and well, with a bung knee, there are reservation using that analogy.

8 weeks to find a new job.  And I also need to hold it together in term of not letting rip with a certain colleague.  That perhaps concerns me more than the what next question.

My knee needs to heal so I can manage my stress with physical exercise.  It's slowly getting better.  Almost walking at 80-90%.

Going to have the knee checked on Monday by the GP.  A week late, but better late than never.

Friday *BOOM* feeling.

ANZAC

This is my great uncle.  My Dad's uncle.  I'm named after him.  I guess if I'd been a boy I would have been called Nicholas.

I find it bit odd that my Dad was so proud of his uncle, and yet he never went to war.  Something to do with having to stay in New Zealand to provide essential services - although I'm not sure NZ rail was an essential service.  I think it had more to do with that my Dad was a Pacifist at heart and didn't want to go to fight the war.

One of the things my Dad would say if things seemed tough was "Remember your a Nicholas".  I guess it was his way of saying show some fight back and be couragous in your actions.

I used to think honouring war, the returned soldiers etc was an acceptance that war is ok. 

Now that I'm older, my views have changed.  I remember ther war, and hope I never have to see one in my lifetime.

There's quite an impresseive bronze statue of my great uncle by the river Avon in Christchurch.  It was errected a few years ago and had a primo view looking out to the central city.  Now it just looks out onto all the destruction.  But hey, it survived 100% in tact, and hopefully it will remain there to see some impressive rebuild.

Here's the official bio of my great uncle:
Henry Nicholas arrived in France in September 1916 and saw action at the Somme. He was involved in many of the actions fought by the New Zealand Division in 1917, including the successful attack on Messines ridge on 7 June. He missed the battle of Passchendaele due to illness but rejoined his Canterbury Regiment in time for the Polderhoek attack on 3 December. His actions there earned him the Victoria Cross.

Henry Nicholas's funeral

During the advance on Polderhoek, Nicholas’s section was held up by heavy machine-gun and rifle fire. He single-handedly rushed the enemy position from the rear, threw a grenade and shot the officer. He then charged the remaining occupants with his bayonet. When the smoke cleared, 12 Germans lay dead. Four survivors were taken prisoner. Recommending him for an award, his commanding officer noted 'His fearless example and devotion to duty, commands him to special recognition.'

Henry Nicholas memorial

In mid-1918, while in England on leave, Nicholas was invested with his Victoria Cross by the King. After his return to the front in September 1918, the Canterbury Regiment was charged with holding the town of Beaudignies, a short distance from Le Quesnoy. On 23 October a German patrol blundered into Nicholas’s post on a flank guarding a bridge over the River Ecaillon. During this skirmish, Nicholas was killed by heavy machine-gun fire from the high ground of Le Quesnoy. He was posthumously awarded the Military Medal for his bravery during this action.
See also: painting of Henry Nicholas on the Archives NZ War Art website.


Knee update:
The part of my knee that is hurting now is behind my knee - and this morning I noticed it is quite swollen - which is probably not surprising given I've walked on it a fair bit - out of necessity having to walk to the station and back :-/  Less hopeful of making it to the bodybalance on Fri now...

Beautiful ay for a bike ride.  Still I just have to remember the injury is tempoary and I can use this to do other stuff.

Given the swelling, if its still swollen tomorrow I may go and see my GP, or a physio - I don't know if you can see a physio without a GP referral?   Should be a ACC claim, and it might pay to have some professional manipulation.

Template

Blogger.com has changed the template.  This is going to stretch my blogging for a little while.  Apparently it is supposed to be more easier to use.  I don't really find it so.  Guess I'll just have to persevere.

My knee is improving and therefore my overall mobility.  I wont be running any 100 metre sprints in the next few days, although I wasn't going to be running any 100 metre sprints if I hadn't fallen off my bike.   Hopefully, I'll at least make it to Bodybalacne on Friday.

I have new screws to affix my bike pump.

The front tyre seems has deflated.  Really quite pissed about that, as I am OVER changing tyres.

Still, the knee thing has made me appeciate the gift of mobility a little more.  I can't be defeated or deflated by the tyre thing.  I'll try pumping it up.  If that fails, then I guess I'll just change it, again.  There is possibility I guess I could have punctured it when I crashe the bike in the shingle.

Knee

My knee is stuffed.  Most serious cycling injury to date - even with my "serious" falls. I may look for my deceased grandfather's walking stick - in the spare cupboard - could make access around the house easier.  I'll contemplate taking it to work, although today it has been enough people "watching" me shuffle along.... In the meantime I am shuffling along and overdosing on Neurofen.  I don't really know how to manage injuries.  Taking Neurofen is helping, I think.

In looking at this picuture of a knee, I would self diagnose that the part of my knee I injured was the Articular cartialage. So, I guess I should be glad it wasn't the kneecap.

 

I don't think the knee is broken or anything. Just seriously sprained.  I wont be riding to Martinborough on Wednesday, and not sure if I will get to the gym this week, or Martinborough on Saturday.

Contemplated going to my GP, but I've been having a GP sabbatical.....and that would mean fronting up to my weight gain - which I will do, just not today. 

I remind myself, these are small scarifices.  Only though the injuries do you build the resilence, and learn.  Or something like that.

Short Sunday ride

Missed the early start (again) today. 

Went up around Gladstone - thought I'd turn into a farm driveway to turn around - and fell off, to my right side.  I note falling off to my right an onto my knee is I think more painful than the huge bruise I got on my thigh a few weeks ago.  So falling advice: try not to fall at all, but if you do, aim to fall on your left thigh, as even if you are heavy it "takes the fall".  Falling on the knee is the fall of all falls to be avoided.

I think there were two reasons I fell off.  Firstly, I miscalculated the gravel and gradient. Secondly, although perhaps it is the primary reason, I am not completely in control of my bike as I was.  This of course only improves with regular riding..

The screws to affix my pump are the wrong sort, so I used the velcro.  It worked but its not completely ideal.

So, wasn't a beautiful ride.  Started off well.  But with the "fall" and quite heavy end of day traffic.  It was quite stressful.

I  was aiing to make make an early morning ride thing work on Anzac day.   I may need to review that as my knee, a few hours later, is actually quite sore and sore to walk on.  Hmmm

Oh well, if I get a gardening day in on Weds, that will free me up for next Sat.

Aiming to get to the gym more than once this week.  Hopefully 3 x.  Will need to reasess what that 3x comprises of ase on how the knee is feeling tomorrow.

Now I need to find that tube of arnica cream again!

Alice

Not a great week gym wise.   Was busy at work today, and also not really up to a BB session.  Met S in the lift - sometimes we go to the same rpm classes.  I think she was feeling how I was today - at least in terms of not making it to the gym, for perhaps similar reasons.

Went to R&R bike place after work.  Got two new *free* screws, to affix my bike pump.  Friendly guy.  I'm trying to keep my bike shop options open.  So far I rate R&R and Penny Farthing the best in terms of service.  I guess the sales pitch is two free screws could result in a larger purchase...

This song was in the DomPost today quiz.  It really belongs to yesterday's posting.  But the neighbour thing has been on my mind:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcVLeUFW-AM

The thing on my mind is not so much connected to the neighbours as such - but more the where that kind of five year reflection thing: where did the last five years go?  What will the next five years bring?  There is a reality that in some areas of life, while I have made really good progress in some areas, I have also put some things, and things that are fundamentally important to me (such as travel, new friends, new experiences etc) on hold....

Anyway, I better get a couple of good rides in this weekend.

Sabbatical.

Today I recieved a delayed broadacast that my head coach is taking a sabbatical.  I am naturally gutted by this.   I guess though it opens up the possibility to revisit my training schedule. 

I've had a bit of a sabbatical myself, so understand sometimes you just have to do that...cos well yeah, sometimes you do - I'm hoping its a few months, not nine months or more?~!.

I have sort of a pattern established.  PT Tuesday, HuttGirl Weds, Young American Thursday.  So there will be some "stability" there.  I like stability!  This will alllow me to go the Body Balance lady's classes more regualrly.  But yeah, there will be  big gap there as far as I am concerned.  BIG ;-/

Um tonight I went to my neighbours party.  It was good.  I felt "at home".  Well, sort of in terms of revisiting the social contacts I had when I learnt German.  Oh my goodness.  My neighbours are *nice*.  Very *nice*.  Here's the scary punchline though.  They  have lived there FIVE years.  Thats' FIVE, and apparently nearly SIX years, and we have never previously spoken.  Weird, becasuse we can so easily have so much to talk about.  Gardening, travel,  FOOD.  Marvin is in the hospo trade, and his wife J works in interior design.  House and Garden house.   They used to work on cruise ships, so people stuff is their thing.  

I want to get to know them better, and I think we will.

I met a lady at the party who quite randomly told me she had given up TV watching for 3 months!  Spooky.  I told her I had lasted 3 days....

And omg, M who is the mother of one of the former RPM instructors, who is now residing in Akl used to be an opera singer.  I worked with M for over 10 years, and never knew that.  I just thought she played the cello.

Met a nice podiatrist from Masterton at the party.  Seriously.  v. nice.  And he has a golden labador.  That could be handy. Not necessarily the dog, but knowing A the Podiatrist.

Must. get. out. more.

Dentist Day

Today was a dentist day so didn't get to the gym.

My new dentist at my old dental practice resurrected the notes of my my former dentist, and repeated what my former dentist for years tried to get me to do - wear a mouthguard at night.

Apparently, I grind my teeth.  The chip on my tooth opened up this discussion. I did not enjoy it - the discussion.  I'm not though going to be wearing a mouthguard to bed.  Still the evidence my teeth have issues from the grinding is pretty compelling.  There are cracklines down the front of my teeth.  Not visible to other people really, but really visible on the x rays.  And no one wants really to have no front teeth eh?

The new dentist did a pretty good job repairing the tooth for now.  There were though a few tense moments when basically I f***d up the x-ray though not holding still, and also felt like I was choking when she was trying to do the replacement.  Weird, I've never really never lost it like that before at the dentist, even though I have dental issues.  So the dentist thought my angst could be solved by an Il Divo video.  It sort of was.

I filled in a ACC claim form - because if the tooth doesn't hold the repair, i could use it for a future claim re having fallen over.  I've only ever had one ACC claim before in my life, and that was when I fell off the ladder.

Tense moment at reception.  The receptionist advised me I was in credit.  Then explained that I had been overcharged last time.  So, I said "yeah, well I thought that was a truckload of money I paid for a clean and polish. and actually I was pretty angry about it and have been thinking about changing practice".  Hmm not really the best point of negotiation.

I actually do have a mouthguard that I had made when I was boxing fairly seriously with TC.  Its nota wear to bed mouthguard though.

Witnessed a sad scene on the train tonight.  Two guys had taken their children (about aged say 8-12) on to town for the school holidays and were going home.  All good, and the kids seemed happy and content.  But the guys were completely trolleyed, and making further plans to get trollyed - and stoned once they got to Masterton.  I wanted to say "don't you think you've had enough all ready?"  I didn't.  I just thought it was sad. The kids just seem to take it as BAU.

Holby City  - UK TV.  Favourite programme of the week.  TV amenesty over!!!  Yeah, the fact that hospital programme is my fav programme, I think reminds me that "Health" is still in my heart.  I just have to find a way back - in reality.

second

night tv free.  although today I decided the tv thing abstinence needs to be not about abstinence but moderated tv viewing, or deliberately selective.  Still will bag one more tv free night.

had  a massive headache today - who wouldve thought t-doxing fro tv would result in that.  Although I think it is stress work induced...I'm still not really sure how I can get out of the crosswinds on that front.  Today. I felt like going to the gym, and not going back to work afterwards.  Its sad, becasue I use to love my workplace and work, but now I'm finding I'm letting it suck energy.  Its also sad to because there remain some awesome people, but I'm not finding my work "meaningful" or purposeful.  Hmmmmmmm.  And i get most frustrated at people who just appear to have no values and a basic collegial respect.  Rant~!  Or maybe I get frustrated most at that I feel I cant change the situation I am in, but I need to protect myself in terms of "what next".

Went to the PT's rpm session today.  yeah, it was ok.  He played an ALL  standing track 3,  And track 7 was pretty much all standing also.  What this teaches me is: Sometimes, you have to break the rules ? (although some people would argue: you must at all times obey the rules.  Struggling with this~!

Sat next door to the BBL.  She's got pretty good rythm.  I like and respect that.  Sometimes I reckon she cruises in RPM, but that's simply because she does other hard workouts - like instruct BBL.  Today though I reckon she was pretty much giving it all she had.  So, that kind of helped me lift my ride too.  I reckon I can pedal faster than she can - go figure, I don't really understand that - or maybe its just becasue I have longer legs! although I certainly can't stretch like she can!

First

night deliberately TV free.  Not sure how long this will last.  But giving it a go - random goal may be until I get a new job, or husband.....become fluent in Spainish.   Hmmm, or mabe until something significant in my life changes - for the better.   Although tonight I spent quite a lot of time on the time on the computer, which I concede is a TV alternative.

It's actually not just a tv thing.  It's partly because I watch tv in my bedroom, in bed.  So not watching Tv means I stay out of bed, and I use the space (and energy) in my body, and in my house differently.

Tonight I managed to do the basics like pack my gym bag, iron my clothes for tomorrow, and make my lunch.  Basic stuff that makes me just that little more organised.

Also aiming to try and increase my sleep by one or two hours each night.  I get by on aout 4-6 hours sleep, and I'm sure if can get a little more sleep, then I can push my body further exercise wise, and it will appreciate it.

The tv thing is random, but its more fundamental than that.  I think I am getting my focus back.  I also need to be strong re work at the moment, and the best way I know to do that is to be focuss in other areas of my life - it simply helps with the resilence factor.

Sunday

I woke up to a beautiful Sunday morning, and thought "wow, great morning for a bike ride".  It was.  Only problem was my bike was with its front tyre off as it has been for the last couple of weeks.  By the time I phaffed around (finally) changing the inner  tube, pumping it up, oiling and greasing the bike, cleaning the bike (note to self: make sure the next bike is not a white bike!)....and hanging out the washing etc, it was mid day.

A had a false start with the tyre.  I didn't *blow* it up today - but I didn't get the seal right, so had to start again.  I hope this tyre thing gets easier.  I then went to affix the new hand pump I've purchased to the bike but lost the screw when it fell into the soil.  So, now I am short of a screw. I know, not a big task, but like finding a needle in a haystack.  I didn't find it. I think I've got the tyre thing sorted out through trial and error....I really hope its not necessary to change tyres for some time again now though,

The little seat carrier is affixed though.  Not much point though when I still need to carry a pump in a backpack.  So, I'll aim to get the pump thing fixed during the week.  Will have to go and buy a new screw...

Went for a small dusk ride - 10km or so, just to check the bike was riding Ok - the distance thing didn't seem to be clicking over but the rpm was, and I managed to reach 85rpm pretty quickly, which is a little above my last few rides.  A combination of getting back to the gym, eating and drinking a lot "cleaner", and a short ride. It felt good - that feeling where riding a bike just feels awesome because there is just something in the momentum....and the bike definitely better for the *maintenance*.  It's nice too not to ride with a backpack on - which given I was going a short distance, I not only went without a backpack, but also in my *gardening* clothes, because I couldn't be arsed changing!

Now the bike is all parked up and ready to go to Martinborough return next weekend.  I'm going to aim to leave as early as I can next weekend - and maybe get back by say 10am. The strawhouse people were away this weekend, so not much incentive to ride over, plus I wanted to tidy the front garden up in the afternoon, because actually it has been looking very messy! - part of it still is, but I'm making progress, slowly.

I've been mulling over *stuff* lately.  And I've decided if I want to get more out of my weekends, and life in general then I have to make room to let new stuff (and people) in. It's basic principle, but it means not doing stuff that wastes time or is not rewarding.  eg watching tv.  I've already seriously reduced my tv hours, but I'm going to try and reduce the tv hours some more.

Zen

I was right.  The BBL (Body Balance Lady) was surprised to see me in her class today.  So at the beginning of the class she gives me a "shout out" and um publically notes I am in her class.  Not by name.  "So your not sitting on seat 20 today - neither am I".

Next to me was a former colleague.  This made me a little uncomfortable.  Not becasue we have any issues, but well she's just one of those people I feel consious of my weight with.  I don't know why that is really.  Also it was giving me flashbacks to the workplace we shared.

So, anyway, I positioned myself "gracefully and majestically" and executed 45 minutes of graceful exchange with the universe, including those moments where I felt like a "swan".  This was the 45 minutes of reward for the week that was.  Well,that was something along the lines of the BBL's inteneded direction.  Except I didn't feel graceful or like a swan!

The reality is I find body balance hard.  And awkward actually.  I can't do simple stretches - not even the simple stretchs the pregnant women in the room get assigned.  Something like putting your left hand over you left shoulder and having your right hand behind your back join hands.  Or, holding the leg with hands.  So, there is the physical angst of merely not being able to do the stretches, and then the mental frustration and connection that the reason is I am carrying too much weight.

Still, I have a certain confidence now, where I don't worry about what other people think.  The thing is I was there.  Despite the frustrations, the body does feel better for strecthing.

I remembered during the last of the session to keep my eyes close while the BBL walked the room.  She proably guessed I was faking being in deep serenity, but at least I didn't have to face her.

Actually, at one point I wanted to vomit which is totally un Zen or BBL.  I rarely get that feeling in RPM even when I push myself.  I think its a reflection that "manoureving" my body is actually a harder ask of my body than sitting on a stationery bike.

I'm sure the BBL would give me some guidance on best moves I should focus on while I ease myself back into this stretching "stuff".

There is some kind of awakeing in the body doing stretches.  Despite the challenges I face with Body Balance, I know it does help - physically and mentally.

Must. do. more. often!

Thursday

The Young American didn't take todays session. KT took it. I've never been to one of her classes. She is a good instructor.   I've seen her in class before. So, it was one of those sessions, where I felt she was watching me. Um, becasue I think she was.  That newbie/fresh meat feeling - or maybe Elephant in the room feeling.

Anyway, I would "try again" so to speak.  And it was a good workout.

Thinking of trying the Body Balance Lady's class tomorrow.  Need a bit of zen in the middle of the day.   Will be interesting (to me!) to see how it goes.  Mainly becasue I think now that we sort of know each other from RPM, um I wont really be able to sneak annonymously to the back of her class.

I think it will be good to have a "proper" directed stretch out.  Bit concious that in a non darkened room the bruise on my leg will be visible, but I wont let that get in the way.  Treating it with arnica, so it it is healing.  Now it just looks worse than it is.

Blood

I was booked in to rpm today. But there was a Fuel/coffee engagement overrun. So there would have been an empty seat.  Instead I gave blood at the Cathedral, lit a couple of candles at the back alter, and briefly prayed.

I need more prayers than brief prayers right now. But its a start reconnecting comms with God.

Yeah, that makes a change from RPM.

I do mean to give blood more than I do. It's important to me. It kind of connects me with Mum's memory, given she died of Leukemia. Also, the *public health* aspects that remain important to me.Its such an easy thing to do  - to give blood.

Anyway, my knees were actually a bit sore today - although the bruise is healing on my leg.

Four

Good RPM session today.  I note the T lady played an old school set.  Although I am old school, so it was a set I like.  Only 4 people in class.  Small class. 

My left leg/knee hurt a little, which is kind of not surprising given the magnitude of the bruise that is there.  I should really keep a photo journal of my "bruises", but I have temporaily lost my connection to the camera.  The bruise is the biggest I have since falling off a ladder some years ago – over five or so.  My legs are definitely not Californian bikini legs at the moment.  A combination of falling and being "bitten" by insects in the garden.  Need to get some new long gardening "trousers"

First time in two weeks I’ve managed to get a decent sweat, again.  I think if I am being honest though, that was in part due to a good class but also detoxing – sugar and alcohol wise from the weekend.  Yeah, that’s not what Easter is about.  But I kind of overdosed on socialising at the weekend, which meant a combination of good food and alcohol.

I now have a chipped bottom front tooth – slightly annoying. I noticed it for the first time after the rpm workout today. I think in my random theory, its probably from falling over so much over the last few days.  Once on the grass, and twice down the floor trap – the pressure has probably accelerated what was already loose.  Hmmm, hate to think what else the fall may have unleased!

Anyway, though the workout today, when my leg was hurting, I just had think one of the Les Mills mantras “ Pain is temporary”.  And on the scale of pain, it is tempoary.

Bruised

The bruise on my leg from yesterday is impressive.    A long storm cloud down my left leg.

Added to this: today I feel through the "trap door" by my back door.  For some reason after seven years, it has become loose.  I fixed it then fell through it again a few hours lated *duh*.   It is, I note, more painful falling though a trapdoor than falling on grass - primarily I guess becuase your leg gets stuck and you fall hard on floor boards.  Now I have a serious graze under my left knee.  I nearly cried :-( it hurt that much.

I'm a bit over this falling thing.

I'll eed to get the trapdoor adjusted as its located by the backdoor, so kind of a hazard now, until I can adjust back to its original position.

Pump revisited

In inspired moment, and buoyed by my success of changing my my back tyre, and pumping it up primo, I thought I'd practice on my front tyre.  Yeah, not so sucessful.  First tube was not the right valve.  Second tube I blew up - re the gunshot sound.  That's $8.0 a tyre.  I've been having a look ata few you tube clips.  I need to get the bike back on the road for next weekend.

So, now my bike sits sadly with its front wheel off.  Tomorrow I'll have another "shot" so to speak.  I'll also clean and grease the bike.  Hopefully I'll be more sucessful. 

It's frustrating, but I need to persereve, as once I know I have mastered the completed change tyre and pump it up, I know I'll have more independence and confidence on the road.

I triped over in the garden today. *BooM* A bruise on my left leg of the proportion when I fell off the bike when learning how ride in cleats.  You get bruises like this when your body takes the weight of your fall.  I'm actually pretty good at *falling*.  If I put my hand up, stretch my fingers out. the length of the bruise is from my thumb to my little finger - that's pretty wide.  Its like a large faultline running down my leg, so its not just a bruise, but a double bump/bruise.

My garden is way overgrown, so I'll be spending the day in the garden tomorrow, even I do get the tyre functioning again.  Looking forward to that.  And even if I do get the tyre sorted tomorrow, given the magnitude of the bruise I have, I don't think it would be a good idea to put too much strain on it tomorrow.  It should be ok for the gym though.

This is a long clip - but kind of cool - kind of pars back cycling to the basics, which I like

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=p0ewL8iuQG8

Ok, so the email I wrote to the Council last night was a bit of a rage one. I feel passionate about trees, the environment etc.  I concede though I was probably venting in the the email because of some residual work complexities.

Anyway, today I had a long conversation with the Council tree man.  He told me, among other things, he too feels passionate about trees, he is after all a qualified horticulturist.  It turns out he had knocked on all my neighbours door across the street, and they consented to having the trees removed.  One even bought him a 6 pack of beer.  What I loved most in our conversation  this morning was how the tree man is so passionate about his job, and he basically could whakapapa all the publically owned trees in Carterton.

Um, I think he thought when he rang me, I was going to be a "nutter" so was maybe a bit surprised too at our conversation.   As it turns out, the trees on my side of the street have "immunity" for now.  So now I live in a street that has had its liquid ambers removed, and my side has trees.  Although the tree man knowing the whakapapa of my tree did explain that it is growing above power lines, so while it is safe for now, he couldn't guarantee it. I liked the fact he had suggested to Council for every tree chopped down, there be a plan to plant other trees.  So, in summary, I loved his passion and commitment. And the fact that he was totally willing to talk for hours about trees. 

It turned out to be a welcome distraction for me from the work stuff - which is still simmering, although as one has to remember in these situations, people eventually do "dumb" things, that will totally trip themeselves up, and I think that may have happened today.

Other highlight of the day was RPM.  It was the Young American's RPM 54 assessment, so I got to hear the whole playlist for the first time.  Her assessor was Hutt Girl 2 - an instructor whose class I have been to in the Hutt a few times.  I nearly didn't recognise her because I think her hair is lighted and longer and she was "dressed".  Hehe but I couldn't forget because a) she's quite a good instructor, and b) I will always love the comment she made something like "is it wrong to want to smash someone and give them a bit of biff in a netball game, and c) she has pretty fricken awesome abs - although probbaly all RPM instructors do!

yeah, Ok session.  getting back into it. Definitely easier to do a single session after a double earlier in the week.  Thank goodness the Young American didn't use the get away from your grand kids line today.

Looking forward to the long weekend - my 0800 breakdown peeps are away.  But I'm not going to let that deter me getting on the bike.  Besides i have a new inner tube, new pump, co 2 cartridge.

Woop - long weekend.

Trees

I had a cool post in mind on "rules" for todays post, related to cycling and LIFE and also how I have not moved desks.  But Shit - remember, if you have been following the plot, how I had a dream the other night about all the trees on my property disappearing?  EEK.  Tonight I walked home from work, and half the trees down my street have been cut down.  So, here's my letter/email to all councilors and the mayor I have just sent.

This is spooky - I have never ever had one of these preemptive type dreams :-) Spooky!

It was on the cards a year or so ago this was going to happen, but I didn't realise - until my dream the other night it would seem) this is happening - in my street.  I'm now kicking myself, beause I vowed at the time I was going to make it my community "cause".  But I didn't.  I became complacent,

I spend some of my working life, writing to "nutters" and the public.  But this is the first time I have written to "people in office.

trees.  Yeah I feel passionate about them,but also democratic process and all that.

So here's my email:
Kia ora tatou

Tonight when I walked home from the railway station I noticed all the trees on one side of my street have been cut down.

I don't recall getting any notification in my mail, or letterbox re this.  I don't attend council meetings or always read the local newspapers, so how am I supposed to be informed?  At the very least, if a council decision has been made to proceed to cut all the trees down in my street, you know, as a ratepayer, I would expect to get some form of notifciation as for the rationale.

I recall there were discussions on the matter because of the drainage, but I had not realised it was going ahead.

Basically, I think it sucks.  Big time.  Where does this policy fit with the landscape policy?

One of the reasons I purchased my house in Wyndham St 7 years ago was becasue of the trees - and now they are just cut down?   

Will the tree outside my house be cut down tomorrow while I am work?  What I am I supposed to do?  Suck it up?  or stay home from work and loose a days pay?

Basically, I suspect there is little I can do now - especially now one side of the street has had its trees chopped down.  However, could you please let me know if:

a) there was a council vote on this matter, and if there was whether you voted for the trees to be cut down.

I certainly wont be giving you my vote if you did vote to have the trees chopped down in furture elections, no matter what the logic, becasue you did not consult me.

Oh yeah, and if my tree is going to be cut down tomorrow while I am work, I would like the wood left on the property as even though it will pain me to use it for firewood, I think I at least should have that option.

I intend to live in my house and Carterton for the rest of my life - it is a good community.  I have to say though, this kind of Council action, really makes me question how the Council operates in terms of following some basic communication and consultation with 'affected' ratepayers.

I know how these things work, so don't really expect answers to my questions - although I really do want to know whether you supported the decision to cut the trees.

In summary, two words: Really disappointed.




Nicola Chapple
3 Wyndham St

The rooster is in the hallway

I have no idea what "the rooster is in the hallway" means.  It is though in one of the rpm tracks,  Today I heard it twice.

RPM 1: With the young American because the T lady has "man flu"?  Sorry T, man flu does not exist.  Although serious colds that suck do ;-)  Anyway, so the Young Amercian makes this comment like "use this time to get away from work, your children,.....your grandchildren"  "Your grandchildren"????  Wtf there were I think a few older people in the room - me included, but I'm not sure we were grandparent age.  Although technically, I am old enough to be a grandparent, I don't like it referenced in rpm!

RPM 2:  Rpm 2 followed rpm 1 with the PT.  Not really sure it was the best of ideas to try a double, but *oh well*  At one point I  didn't think I would vomit, but I did feel like my feet were going to explode. This is becasue my rpm shoes are slightly smaller that they should be. Doesn't matter for a single session.  But it does for a double.  Contributing to this was the PT doing the rooster in the hallways track as a complete standing track.  Probably fine if I hadn't done the session before.  I did stand but my feet and legs were feeling it.

Second session was a bit hard actually.  But I'm glad I forced myself to do a double today,

Did some cycle related shopping:

New pump, little bag for the back of the seat, c02 capsules, new inner tubes and a cleaning kit.

Most excited by the co2 capsules and the little bag for the back of the seat.  Will fit the bag and pump, and then the aim is to ride without my backpack.  That means drinking less water, and I can't carry granny smiths home from Martinborough.  But real cyclists don't wear packbacks?!- and you know, thats what I'm working towards, being a better cyclist.

I caught up on some cyling mag reading at the Library.  There was a poll in one of the mags about what you do when you get a pucnture.  Something like only 4% call someone to pick them up.  I wont need to now either! - subject to using the c0 2 capsule correctly.  Although the bike pump has a higher psi ability.  So I am set.

I didn't really overheart in class today.  But I am now!  I think that's from not drinking enough water post riding.

Postscript:  Have just completed an experiment with pumping up my tyre in the kitchen.  The cannister exploded.  *Boom*.  Like a cheap firework it lost all its air. Yeah, don't think my technique was quite right.  The hand pump works though when I practiced with a spare inner tube.  So I have some assurance on that.  And I think the cannister will work. on um an empty tube.  Now I understand why someone was inspired to write about zen and bike maintenance - maybe!

The morning after

Today I when I woke up, I remembered a dream where all my trees (no all plant life!) on my property had been cut down.  Which you know, in my world is about as bad as it can get!  Hmm, not sure what that relates to - maybe some sense of loss.  Today is the anniversary of my Dad's death.  Maybe it just relates to that in some abstract way.  Eleven years ago, but I still remember.

Or, maybe it relates to the decsision I've made to have a follow up conversation with my Manager, about how I see moving desks as a superficial solution to the "situation" at work.  That wont be an easy conversation, but I am resolved to have it when I go back to work on Wednesday.  To a degree it could mean I cut my losses, but for me, its about making a stand and being true to principles I hold.

I also woke up with sore shoulders and thighs.  That has not happened for some time.  It's weird how you can feel sore, but at the same time that can give your body a buzz.  Like your body is thanking you! So even though my body feels a little sore, it feels good.

I still need to master the 80/20 rule.  That changing my body is 80% nutrition and 20 % exercise.  I've really been off course nutrition/and alcohol wise.  Its how I've been coping with the stress at work.  Its my default option, but I need to make the exercise thing my default option.

Plan on doing a double RPM tomorrow as I have a few things to do in "town", including buying a bike pump and some new inner tubes!

And even though I didn't quite completely change the tyre thing yesterday, I'm confident now, that "next time" I will be able to execute the whole change the tyre thing

Martinborough 2012

First ride to Martinborough for the year.  Easy peasy. Lemon squeezy.  Hmmm.  Nearly.

I rode over via the Ponatahi route/Mushroom Factory route.  The hills I used to find easy were not so easy today.  Took me about an hour and a half to get there.

Following lunch, and packing my backpack with granny smiths, tomatos and passionfruit from Mr and Mrs Strawhouse, I decided to come back via Greytown, as its a slightly easier ride.

I got just out of Greytown and then viola - a flatty on my back wheel.  So I changed it, got the tyre in, and was feeling pretty pleased, except even though I had a pump I couldn't pump it up.  Buggar.  I'm subsequently managed to pump it up now I am home with the floor pump,  but the floor pump is not an option when on the road.

So at least I know I can change a tyre now.  I just need to be able to also pump the tyre up on the road
 ;-/  All part of the rite of passage of becoming a "real cyclist"

I actually couldn't get the tyre back on for ages, and then realised one of the caps was missing.  I guess out of neccesity I perhaps would have eventually worked out how to pump the tyre up on the road.

Mrs Strawhouse came and picked me up and took me and the bike home.  Lucky that was an option today. 

As for the stats, well I was keeping those until I broke down - something like 60km, average speed about 19km, and RPM about 65- 70.  Bordeline stats.  The thing is I got back on the bike, and now I just need to master the last step of changing the tyre and it should give me more confidence for riding on the rural roads.

Herausforderung

= German for "Challenge"

Two challenges for this weekend:

a) bike ride to Martinborough and back on Sunday - can I do it?  YES I can.!!!
b) talk to my neighbour Marlon and ask to join his Spainish classes!

Marlon is Spainish, and takes lessons and conversation classes.  I've only recently found this out via my hairdresser who live down my street, and again today when I met my neighbour at the Frenchman and his wifes bakery this afternoon.  I love that little bakery - for the exquisite genuine food they have and becasue of Oliverei and Megan the owners.  They have a genuine "local" cafe - which is a perfect French cafe in Carterton.  eg they achieved the almost impossible thing today of having my neighbour J and I talk to each other.  Its not that  J and I don't talk to each other - its just spooky that we are very alike in many ways.  eg live alone, creative in certain areas, we do like people and our work relies on it, but we are also to appearances or some people "recluses"!  What I love about Oliverei and Megan is they are the kind of poeple that get that.  They understand and make no judgement about it.

Anyway, for the same reasons I don't talk to J I haven't talked to Marlon and his wife.  Basically, just a certain shyness.  But the thing is I would love to learn Spainish.  I love languages, even though I can only speak some German, and a little Maori.  And learning off my neighbour not only means I get to know my neighbour but also learn Spainish.

And Marlon and his wife they love the same things I do - good food, house stuff, and the garden.  So that's my challenge.  J has advised me Marlon has Monday's off form his job as a matre d in Martinborough, so I'm going to do and knock on his door on Monday.  I may visit him when I am in Martinborough tomorrow.  Although I think I would prefer to get to know him on home ground, and perhaps not in my bike shorts!

Woop - nervous and excited - becasue this stuff takes me out of my comfort zone.  But I need to remember this is good stuff to focus on. And now I have to do both a and b!

Desk file

Today I had that difficult conversation with my manager (the man who has over 50 pairs of jeans) about my work environment.  Unfortunately, I was coding some of what I was saying, and I am not sure he interpreted it 100% correctly.  He recognised I am in a situation that requires change of factors beyond my control.  However his solution was to arrange for me to move desks!  *Awkward* as a fricken like my current desk and location with a primo window seat and view of Archives, the Beehive etc.  I also like my colleagues, and in particular respect the Lead Advisor I work most closely with.  However, I'm seen as too loyal.  I make no apologies for that.  I am loyal to people and colleagues I have respect for.  Anyway, 'lesson learned' conflict resolution with a teacher/social worker manager results in the solution being to move desks!  Crazy man, now I'll be located closer to the "enemy"!!!
It for now is about perception.
The flipside of this is my new desk will be located to a very nice professional man, who is a cyclist and has ridden Lake Taupo a few times.  And hey I have found a tempoary solution to what is a diffuclt situation.

I went to RPM today.  It was supposed to be Lady T or the T lady, (heck its so long since I've seen her I've forgotten my nick for her!) - was supposed to be TJ's session.  But today it was a tandem session with the Young American.  This was a bit like getting 2 for the price of 1.  Except sometimes you really do only want the one crunchie bar if that makes sense - and not 2!  That is, I enjoy both TJ's and the Young American's classes, but sometimes I'm a it of a purist, and just like the rythym of the one instructor. 

Anyway, good session, although my right knee hurts a little, I still have the remnant of a severe cold.
and today I had the remnants of a few glass of vino from last night, oh, and a bit of ore head form the conversation about moving my desk today!  Aside from all those qualifiers, it was good to have a work out today.


Oh yeah, I couldn't really see either instructor, which wasn't 100% ideal.  Bike 19 hasn't been repaired, there are less bikes in the backrow - so sitting in seat 20 is ok for theloud music factor I like, but not for seeing the instructors, especially when there is bloke blocking the view.  Not that you know I'm big on the eye contract thing or looking at the instructor, but concede a little contact and seeing the leg pace of the instructor/s does I think help keep the workout a little more honest!

I'm aiming to ride to Martinborough on Sunday.  It will take me a long time there and back.  But I feel the need to do it.  Scary to know that it will be an Autumn ride with all the leaves turning, grape vines changing colour etc.  But I know that will be make me feel heaps better to get a long ride like that in


Here are two of my favourite tracks.  One is an old Dave Dobbyn one I really love - its really a love song, but I think the lyrics being loyal can apply to good relationships in other respects.  The other combines Pink and the Indigo Girls.  I love some of the lines in the Pink/Indigo track.  When I stop asking those lines, yeah then I'll know I haven't done the "right thing"..the questions this song asks. they are and will always be important to me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BkrZyGay65E


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQUMbq-jZek


Woop - long weekend ahead - I have some time in lieu due - are taking Monday and Tuesday off.  Kind of need the space to regroup on a few things.