I've got a feeling

I'll start with the random stuff first:

1.  I met a lady in the lift today.  She smiled at me like we were long lost friends - or very good friends.  So I smiled back in kind.  I had no idea who she was.  I suspected she was a train lady - you, know someone you see on the train, you know them as a fellow passenger, but you don't know them.  Only by the descriptors you might assign to them.  Anyway, she pressed level 5, I pressed level 7.  Then she says "What class are you going to today?"  Such an "educative" thing to say.  So, I say "oh, the 11.30, what class are you going to?"  She says "the 12 o 'clock class".  Technically, that should have been 12.30, but I didn't correct her.  Then she gets out of the lift, and once the lift doors close, I say to the remaining lift people "I have no idea who that was".  And this lovely man says "well, in that case, you did very well" :-)  Actually, I still don't know who she is, but I afterwards I realised it was a lady who goes to a few of the same rpm classes I do.  It was one of those moments when you see a gym person "with clothes on" - or in a different context than you are used to, so it takes a few seconds to click.  It's kind of nice to know I've got a potential new rpm buddy in my building - even though technically I have 5 days remaining on my contract (v. hopeful it will be renewed - well at least that's the collective intention).

2.  The best thing about going to the gym today was having a shower and washing my hair (sorry, TJ~!)  Not a reflection on the class  - it did include one of my favourite tracks (Beautiful Day).  But overall, it just didn't click.  Partly because of the music set, and partly because of my mood.  It's important there's variation in the music, because everyone responds to different stuff, I acknowledge that.

3.  The Young American (at reception) asked to take my photo today. It made me "nervous".  She was of course asking everyone.  I just don't always like having my photo taken..

4.  I purchased some Fireworks today (for the celebration in Taupo).  I hope to purchase more tomorrow (in the Hutt).   I'm not sure now on the :"single firework" named "Carnage" !!!!  Eeek: Carnage!!!!

5.  I came home today to one of those beautiful Wairarapa rainbows - they are the best in the world.

Ok, if your still reading...here's the d+m stuff for the day:

I had a rather intense conversation this morning over Mojo coffee ( I don’t really like Railway Mojo – although it is convenient, and even though there are now whanau connections with the franschise) , which  “unsettled” me for the day.  Not necessarily a bad thing.  But it did unsettle me.  It quite independently touched on another“conversation” I had earlier in the week.   The thing of how I “feel” about things, rather than what I “think” about things.   There were questions specifically in relation to why I don’t feel happy, joy, or the “bliss” (ok the person didn’t use the word bliss or joy!) when I achieve goals I’ve set.  Although that’s not completely true, because when I completed Milford, it felt pretty awesome, majestic in fact. And if that is the case, how will I feel when I’ve ridden Taupo?  What if I don’t feel anything after spending  months of Taupo as the focus?  What if there is no "elation" 

The reason the conversation unsettled me is because it touched a raw nerve.   It is true I have a protective layer I hold onto to protect myself.  Its not like I don’t have feelings, or a lack of empathy about people or issues – becauseI do.  But when it comes to reaching within the core of my feeling it’s true,  I hold back.  That's one thing in retrospect I found "disconcerting" about the "race" last week.   I had more to give at the end. 

That’s why if I was using my head to analyse things, my weight is a shield.  It probably explains why I haven’t been making progress on the weight front.  There’s  something still holding me back.   So moving forward means being willing to expose myself to the feelings of  happiness, joy, bliss……and love.  Does this scare me?  I don't think it does.  But maybe if you asked my heart, it does.

The biking equivalent is when I go down hill, I still break.  I can’t completely let the breaks go.  My Astoria coffee buddy has two biking rules:  never break down hill and never walk hills.  I’m mastered the second, just not the first – from either a bike, or life perspective.

That’s why bigger than the concept of playing tennis, dancing is important.  If I can truly dance  (and ride my bike) like “no-one is watching me”, then I will have true release: joy, bliss happiness.

Now here’s an interesting factoid (in my world):  This is one of my favourite of favourite songs - maybe because it was my first ever "motivational" song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILWSp0m9G2U

I  loved the film, and then there was this awesome time when I was in Salzburg with my Goethe classmates at the time.  So, the year was 2000. We were from all over theworld, but we sang this song – and rocked that café and it was v. awesome how that could happen.  I felt true joy and bliss then.  Now I need to work out how I capture that emotion and feeling, again: right here right now.  Like there are no yesterdays, no tomorrows, just today.

That’s not the interesting factoid: the interesting factoid is when this song plays on my nano pad or whatever it is called – I press “skip” when this song plays.

I  also really like this song: ( I like dance versions of it - but also like the original verison)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RV-Z1YwaOiw&ob=av2e

OK, this may be my longest post!  That's all - for today.