Statistics

It's seven weeks until my niece's "wedding winter dinner".  I find this slightly stressful for a number of reasons not least the premise that "Weddings" should not be stressful.  Seven weeks to fit a "Karen Walker" outfit.  Ok, the reality is I will not be wearing a Karen Walker outfit.   My niece will.  The reality is she would be shocked if I did turn up in a designer outfit.  And I think I probably have the "crazy aunty - exempt pass" in any case.  I feel for my sister, in that she as the "mother of the bride" does not have the option - and this is creating stress for her. Even if a) I could fit a Karen Walker outfit and b) afford a Karen Walker outfit, I would not be wearing a Karen Walker outfit.  The wedding invite (received in the post today) says "join us celebrating an intimate family ceremony and winter feast".  There is just one minor no major flaw here, the fact that getting 20 people in the one room, and half have not communicated for about the last 6 years (for what I consider are valid reasons and not really appropriate to blog about),  doesn't really seem that conducive to an "intimate family feast".  Oh well, I'm sure I wont be seated next door to the ex brother in law.

Hmm, why I am I posting about this?  I guess my tolerance factor has gone down at buying in to lets pretend everything is OK on the surface and not talking about certain things (the all that glittters is not gold syndrome).  Although it may seem I'm passing judgement on family members when I write this, it's also a self imposed judgement on myself.  Acknowledging that, is about reclaiming what I value.  Understanding that is key to focusing on my wider goals and the harmony thing - being at peace with myself, my body, God and family - or maybe the order should be: being at peace with: God, myself, my body, my family.


There is also an underlying thing the unofficial "dress code" thing about the wedding highlights for me: it is actually a goal to wear a "black dress" number, and the signficance of the wedding in seven weeks, is that I know I'm not going to have achieved it by then.  It's not though about the label.  It's about wearing a black dress and looking (and feeling) "hot".  Hot: as in toned defined, arms and legs.  But in being "hot", being "cool" with who I am.

It's twenty weeks (I think) until the Taupo challenge. 

So, as of today my goal is to loose 20 kilos by then.  I can do that, and its possible.  I need to focus on the exercise and eating programme a little more intensely.  I reach these plateaus.  Its kind of like the body (and myself) saying "are you really going to do this?".  I need to "breakthough" the current plateau.  I actually feel strong mentally to do that at the moment.

"Hold on" .... Hebequeen "bootcamp" is about to commence.  It may get ugly.  There is though a necessity to get ugly in terms of adopting an aggressive training programme, to get beautiful and strong.  But in saying that, and within the context of this post, I do value outer and inner beauty, and I'm striving to achieve the best I can for both outer and inner.