Zen

I was right.  The BBL (Body Balance Lady) was surprised to see me in her class today.  So at the beginning of the class she gives me a "shout out" and um publically notes I am in her class.  Not by name.  "So your not sitting on seat 20 today - neither am I".

Next to me was a former colleague.  This made me a little uncomfortable.  Not becasue we have any issues, but well she's just one of those people I feel consious of my weight with.  I don't know why that is really.  Also it was giving me flashbacks to the workplace we shared.

So, anyway, I positioned myself "gracefully and majestically" and executed 45 minutes of graceful exchange with the universe, including those moments where I felt like a "swan".  This was the 45 minutes of reward for the week that was.  Well,that was something along the lines of the BBL's inteneded direction.  Except I didn't feel graceful or like a swan!

The reality is I find body balance hard.  And awkward actually.  I can't do simple stretches - not even the simple stretchs the pregnant women in the room get assigned.  Something like putting your left hand over you left shoulder and having your right hand behind your back join hands.  Or, holding the leg with hands.  So, there is the physical angst of merely not being able to do the stretches, and then the mental frustration and connection that the reason is I am carrying too much weight.

Still, I have a certain confidence now, where I don't worry about what other people think.  The thing is I was there.  Despite the frustrations, the body does feel better for strecthing.

I remembered during the last of the session to keep my eyes close while the BBL walked the room.  She proably guessed I was faking being in deep serenity, but at least I didn't have to face her.

Actually, at one point I wanted to vomit which is totally un Zen or BBL.  I rarely get that feeling in RPM even when I push myself.  I think its a reflection that "manoureving" my body is actually a harder ask of my body than sitting on a stationery bike.

I'm sure the BBL would give me some guidance on best moves I should focus on while I ease myself back into this stretching "stuff".

There is some kind of awakeing in the body doing stretches.  Despite the challenges I face with Body Balance, I know it does help - physically and mentally.

Must. do. more. often!