The empire strikes back

There's a lyric in a Matchbox 20 song that says:

I thought this place was an empire
But now I'm relaxed - I can't be sure

Well, actually, yeah after 4 years and seeing and experiencing different things, I am sure. 

Mixed feelings about work at the moment.  I feel so glad to have a good boss who "knows me before she judges me ;-)" (and her boss is one of those inspiring leaders who has amazing prescence which I delight in observing - sitting near her office!), and the prospect of another week's work.  There are some smart and cool people in the team I'm working for, and that always creates a nice vibe.

I'm  currently living a day at a time, a week at a time, a mortgage repayment at a time.  It's working out, but it does have a layer of stress the uncertainty of being able to plan ahead in any significant way, and throw in a few extravagances like going out for a decent meal and a few drinks...but my basic needs (and expenses) are being met so I feel blessed for that, that there is provision for the things that matter.  And I have a good bike, good weather, and a training plan - that's an important part of staying on the right road.

I passed this guy at work today - we basically shared the same work area for about a decade.  He says "Hi HQ" and carries on walking.  I said Hi back in a equal fashion - but I found it weird.  It was like I hadn't left the building, but had just always been there.  I guess maybe for him that's how he sees it.  Oh there's HQ, haven't seen her for awhile.  But I have left the building - not technically the building I'm working in now, but the organisation as a whole.

Then I get home tonight and get a rejection email for a perm position I applied for in the organisation, becasue you know, I thought I was qualified, had the relevant experience - even more so now that I've consolidated that.  The email said I didn't have the skills and experience.  Go figure.  It does a grate a little.  But the reality is the organisation is not the organisation I want to work for now - with the exception of completing my current contract :-) - and besides, on the third floor where I currently work , exposure to dingbats I wouldnt want to encounter again is fairly limited.  Sort of tempted to write back and say "lucky save, actually".

God's not letting me take the default option.  I'm thankful for that, even though there is uncertainty, I'm thankful I wont return to a place that in many ways was like being stuck in a river ebby.  There were rushes, but not enough to justify going back.

My cold has got worse - hopefully, it will shift in a few days time - I have a training plan to adhere to.